Filed to story: Falling for My Ex's Mafia Dad Novel Free PDF (Fay Alden & Kent Lippert)
And I stare at it, desperately wanting to see this as a peace offering, as Kent wanting to talk, to make things right.
But it’s not. I know it’s not.
Because it’s not an apology, is it? Or him taking anything back. Or him demonstrating that he trusts me. It’s just him, calling to me, telling me to come to his side. So he can do what he always does distract me with sex so that I forgive him and move on without a second thought.
But I’m not going to do that anymore.
I crumple the note and throw it in my trashcan, taking a deep breath as I head to bed.
Because if I go downstairs now, Kent will have all the information he needs: that I’m so pathetically desperate for him that I’ll come whenever he calls, no matter how much he treats me like untrustworthy trash.
It will be, in its essence, permission for him to keep doing it. Evidence that he can treat me like that, and I’ll still come when he calls.
And as I lay down on the bed and flick off my light, I’m a little surprised by myself. Because I didn’t realize I had this much pride.
Learning a lot about myself these past few weeks, I think, closing my eyes. And then I do my very best to clear my mind and force myself to sleep, hoping desperately that I’ll feel better in the morning. That things will be clearer.
And I almost make it to sleep am in that half-daze pre-dream state when I jump to hear the intercom on my wall buzz, which it so rarely does.
“Fay,” Kent’s voice comes through, stern.
I sit up in bed, surprised, staring at the intercom as if I can see him through it. But I don’t get up.
“Damn it, Fay,” he growls. “Come downstairs. I want to talk to you.”
And I consider it I honestly do. Because all I want right now is to fly through the house, and through all the doors, and directly into his arms for him to tell me that it’s okay. That it’s all better.
But I know that it’s not. And I sigh, desperately sad, because nothing has changed. It’s still just Kent snapping his fingers and me running to him, tongue lolling, tail wagging.
And even though I know I’m precisely that desperate, heartsick puppy who wants to come back no matter how many times he kicks me…I shake my head.
Because I just can’t do it. I sigh, looking down into my lap, and then I jump again when I hear the intercom buzz a third time.
“Fay!” he almost shouts, clearly pissed now. And my eyes go wide as I hear him grumble a few frustrated curses, but then the intercom goes silent.
I wait a few seconds for another noise, but when none comes I just sigh and stand up, knowing I’m too shaken to sleep now. So, I move to my wardrobe, and strip off my fluffy robe, and pull on the warmest, comfiest, least sexy pajamas I have blue flannel, button down, with little stars on them and crawl back into my bed.
After looping my still-damp hair onto my head in a messy bun, I pick up a book from my nightstand, flick on my reading light, and start to read, trying to wipe thoughts of Kent from my mind.
The book is a good one I’m quickly engrossed in the romance of it, the quick twists and turns of the plot, the plight of the heroine which is, indeed, quite shocking.
But nothing shocks me more than a sudden noise in my own room.
And my jaw drops open as I hear the door in the back of my wardrobe pop.
And then see the wardrobe’s door slowly press open.
My mouth is still hanging open when I see Kent’s dark head and broad shoulders ducking through the open door of my tiny wardrobe.
I’m still staring when he turns to glare at me.
“Are you happy now, Fay?” Kent asks, stern and clearly pissed off.
And that makes me snap my mouth shut as I narrow my eyes at him.
“Do I look happy, Kent?” I ask, waving a hand at myself at my tear-stained cheeks, my messy hair.
And, well, my cozy pajamas, my book, and my reading light might not be adding to the picture of misery I want him to see at the moment, but I think he gets the point because Kent sighs and presses the bridge of his nose between his fingers.
“Fay,” he sighs. “Why didn’t you come downstairs? I want to talk to you.”
“Because, Kent,” I answer softly. “You already gave me your answer.”
“To what question?” he snaps, looking up at me and clearly working hard to contain his temper.
“To…whether or not you want me in your life.”
“What?” Kent breathes, appalled, leaning forward a little to stare at me like I’m crazy.
“I said,” I explain, starting to get pissed now because I am very aware of what happened downstairs and it makes me insane that he either wasn’t paying attention or is playing dumb now, “that if you don’t trust me, that I have to rethink my place in the world and in your life. And you made it very clear that you don’t trust me! So!” I spread my arms wide, inviting him to figure the rest out himself.
“Fay,” Kent groans, tilting his head back. “I trust you it’s just ”
“Clearly you don’t!” I declare, crossing my arms, my voice getting unconsciously louder. “Or else you would have told me what the hell you’re getting up to that’s going to cost all of these human lives!”
“Fay!” Kent hisses, slicing a hand through the air in an attempt to silence me and glaring towards the door. “Lower your voice! Someone will hear you!”
I roll my eyes, sinking back into my pillows, sick of being told what to do and when to do it and having to keep quiet in my own bedroom the one space where I’m supposed to be able to expect to have a little privacy just to adhere to his rules.
I turn to stare at the wall across from me, not wanting to look at him right now. Because I know that if I do, he’s just going to work his wiles on me and convince me to forgive him.
And continue to treat me like his mistress.
And I…I can’t do that. Not anymore.
I hear Kent sigh and I know that he’s looking at me again. I go tense under his gaze.
“Please,” he says, a real plea in his voice. But I still don’t look at him. “Fay, please,” he tries again, and I hear him take another step towards me.
Still, I don’t move.
“Fay, I’m sorry ”
“You already said that tonight,” I snap, still staring at the wall, not letting myself turn towards him even though every molecule in my body wants to. “And then, at the first test of it, you repeated the exact thing that hurt me most the first time you said it.”
“Fay, I didn’t ”
“You did!” I snap. “You ”
“Would you let me finish a god damn sentence, Fay?” Kent growls and I snap my head to him then, glaring with every bit of strength I have, forcing myself to hate him when I know I feel precisely the opposite.