Filed to story: Sorry Alpha I Am Wolfless Novel
“I’m not holding it together at all.” I added, feeling the grip on my self control getting very thin. “I don’t want to hold it together anymore either. All I want to do is let it all go.”
“Go ahead man, no one’s looking but me. Let it go. Get it out.” Trevor would never judge me, and I knew that, but I still couldn’t do it.
“No. No, I can’t.” I shook my head and tried to violently push that idea away. I couldn’t let it go. I needed to be strong. I needed to be tough. I needed to make sure that I was the heart, soul, and strength of this family. I needed to do that for Riviana.”
“Listen to me, Joaquin. If you don’t let off some steam, you will be no better than Riviana was when we came to visit you recently. You will be bottling up everything that is bothering you and keeping everyone in the dark. Do you want to end up in the same position that she is in? Do you want that to happen to you too? Are you willing to let the kids have no parents for the time being?”
Trevor’s words were definitely eye opening. He was right. I was acting the exact same way that my Little Bunny had been before this happened to her. I was following right after her without even thinking about it.
“Maybe I should try to follow her. Maybe I should, so that I could go get her and bring her back.” That thought made my heart race with sudden ideas. Could I go after her? Could I bring her back? How would I do it?
“Shut the fuck up, Joaquin!” Trevor snapped at me. “You know, that is the stupidest idea I have heard in a very long time. How the hell are you going to sit there and even contemplate that idea?”
I didn’t understand Trevor’s anger at me. Why was he so pissed off that I wanted to go after my wife? Why was he so pissed that I wanted to try to bring her back?
“What the hell, Trevor? You don’t know how it feels. You don’t know what I am going through. You can’t imagine what I want to do. I should go after her. I should help her. I am her mate, it’s my job to help her.” I was fuming right now, nearly frothing at the mouth as I responded angrily to him.
“Yeah, you’re right, I don’t know what it is that you are feeling. I couldn’t even imagine it because I have never felt something like that, and I thank the Goddess that I haven’t. but that doesn’t mean that I want to see you go through this. Or watch Talia, Reagan, and Rika lose both of their parents. You know that those three kids are already suffering, do you want to make it worse?”
His words brought me back to my senses. He was right. I knew that already. But he had pointed it out to me and that was good enough. I couldn’t leave to go after Riviana. If I did, the kids would be devastated, even more than they already are. I can’t do that to them. I can’t bring myself to put them through that.
“I’m sorry, Trevor.” I hung my head, the tears that I had been fighting to hold back for the last week finally streaming down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I just feel so helpless. I want to help her, but I don’t even know what is going on. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know what to do. Dammit, I’m at a loss.” I was crying. Bawling really. I was like a little baby that wasn’t able to stop. Once I started, I just couldn’t stop.
“Why the hell do you think that I am here, Joaquin? What do you think that I came here for if not to help you out?” I didn’t understand what he was saying for a moment.. How could he help me? I didn’t know, but apparently he did, because he looked very confident in his knowledge.
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Joaquin
****
“What are you saying, Trevor? I don’t think I am following you? How can you help Riviana?”
“Well, ever since you called, I have been researching some things. I have a couple of people in my pack that are half bear and half witch doctor. They were a little uhm.., well, let’s just say that they were not ordinary, OK. These people, they’re twins, and they can do some things that no one else can.”
I was trying to follow along with what he was saying but he was still standing over me from where I sat. In all honesty, I was not accustomed to tilting my head back that much looking that high up, so it was throwing me off a little.
“I don’t think that I am following you, Trevor. Sit down somewhere so I can see you better and then we can talk.”
“It doesn’t look to me like you can see shit. Those eyes of yours are swollen nearly all the way shut with the tears you had been shedding, that and the force of holding them in. You look like a wreck, man.”
“Gee, thanks so much for that vote of confidence in me. I appreciate it so much.” I wanted to snap at him, to say the words angrily, but I didn’t. Instead, the words came out weak and defeated.
“Come on Joaquin, let’s go sit at the table so we can talk. Maybe call someone to bring you some coffee.”
“I don’t want to leave Riviana’s side. I just want to sit here and hold onto her and hope that she wakes up.” I refused his suggestion and looked back at my Little Bunny through my swollen eyes.
“Fuck that, come on.” He grabbed me by the back of my neck and pulled me to my feet. I tried to fight him off and hold to my Little Bunny’s hand, but he stopped me with little effort. “This is pathetic. You’re letting yourself get beat by me too easily, Joaquin. You see what I mean about you, you’re going to end up hurt soon. You need to vent and for Goddess’s sake, Joaquin, you need to fucking sleep. And, are you even eating at all? You’re losing weight like crazy.”
“I haven’t lost that much, it’s only a few pounds.” I tried to deny his accusation but even that sounded half hearted to my own ears. Dammit, this was not going well. Trevor was right, I was letting myself go. I was giving up. And if I did that, I would end up catatonic like my mom did.
“Come on, sit at the table, order the maid to bring you some food and coffee, then sit here and talk to me. I won’t leave until we have said our peace, but I am not going to say anything until you take care of yourself.” He was being firm with me and I knew it was out of the brotherly bond we had since we were kids.
At this point, Trevor had just forcibly sat me down in a chair after literally carrying me across the room. He was standing behind me and hovering over me until I made the order to have some food brought up to me. I did as he wanted and sent a mental link to Abigail and Roisin. I asked for lunch, coffee, water, beer and snacks. I wanted to make sure that Trevor had something as well and I didn’t know how long he and I were going to talk for.
The food was apparently already made. They had been waiting for me to call for them to bring the food to come to the room. I hadn’t realized how much I was worrying the few staff members that we were still keeping on at the moment. They were probably thinking that I was going to end up like Riviana as well. Dammit! I’ve been a fucking fool.
The food was brought right up by a relieved looking Roisin. She didn’t linger though. She just set down the plates and then backed out of the room with a smile on her face. After that, Trevor refused to say anything until I ate at least half of my food. I needed to get the nourishment into me, or so he said.
After the two of us ate and downed a few beers, Trevor was ready to move on and actually talk. I didn’t know what it was that he had to tell me, but I knew that it was enough for him to have come all the way here from the compound.
“Alright, now that you’ve gotten a little bit of color back into your face, sit right there, shut up, and listen.” He growled at me but not in an angry way. I could tell that he had truly been worried about me when he first got here.
“I am already sitting, and I hadn’t said anything, so I didn’t need to shut up.” I joked with him as he was doing with me. It was our way of showing our love for each other.
“Well, now you do need to shut up.” He grinned then leaned forward to brace his arms on the table in front of him. “Now, I mentioned to you those twins from my pack, right. Well, they’ve had differences about them their whole lives, and I admit that I didn’t pay much attention to them all that much before. When I started to ask people in my pack about souls and things like that, I was told to talk to Chloe and Charlie. They are not often out and socializing with the rest of the pack. In fact, the two of them live up in the mountains and try to avoid everyone at all costs.” I was a little intrigued by what he was saying, but I didn’t know what it mattered to me.
“So, why are these twins so important?” I asked him, still trying to figure it out.
“Well, apparently, these twins are able to communicate with spirits. They can contact ghosts and other apparitions. And it’s legitimate too. It’s not a hoax or anything that is fake. It’s real.”
“OK, well, thanks for that Trevor, but Riviana isn’t a ghost. She’s in a coma because her soul left her body.”
“Yeah, I know that, dumbass. What is a ghost if not a soul that does not have a body anymore? I am coming to you with this because I want to bring the twins here to see if they can see what happened with Riviana and find out why her soul isn’t here anymore. It’s a long shot but it’s the only thing that I can come up with. And not to mean, Glory hasn’t managed to find anything yet either. So, you have to admit, it’s worth a shot.”
