Filed to story: Sorry Alpha I Am Wolfless Novel
Well, it was my plan to find the exit anyway. But there was something that was already starting to hold me up. And that was the fact that it was extremely difficult to move in this place. It started to feel like I was moving through water. No, that isn’t right. That’s too easy. This felt worse than that fog when I was in the dark realm of the Fae. This felt like the entire hallway was filled with syrup or something similar to that.
It was funny if you think about it. This place hadn’t been this hard to move around in until after the door was closed. No actually, that isn’t right, it wasn’t like this until after I decided to do something about being stuck here. Was this place trying to keep me here? Is that what was going on? Is that what was happening right now?
The more that I pressed on the more frustrated that I became.
“UGH! DAMMIT!” After what felt like hours, I roared the words to the empty hallway around me when I decided to just stop moving and sit on the floor. Why does this have to be so hard?
“UGH!” I grunted in frustration again. “Wait a minute.” I snapped at myself. “Why the hell am I doing this? I could just open a door back home. Sometimes, I’m so stupid.”
I stood and raised my arms until they were right in front of me. That took a long time too, since it was so hard to move in this place. When I was in the right position and standing where I needed to be, I started to pull my magic to me and think about the door home that I wanted to make.
Well, I thought I was pulling my magic toward me. Though, no matter when I was thinking, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t pull the magic to me. I felt like all of my magic was gone or something.
“HOW!?” I yelled the words but there was no one around to hear me. “What is going on? Not only am I in black and white, but I don’t have any of my magic? How is that even possible?”
I could feel my heart pounding and the fear coursing throughout my entire body. I hadn’t been this scared in a long time. I also hadn’t been this powerless in years.
“Wait? I..i..if I don’t have my magic, does that mean that I don’t have my wolf either?” I asked myself, my voice was the only thing aside from my footsteps that I had heard in hours. “Well, there’s nothing left to do but try and shift.” And of course, that didn’t work. So now I knew that I was stuck here with no magic and no wolf. It was just me. And I still needed to find that door that would get me out of here. And to top it all off, it felt like it took me ten minutes to walk three feet. UGH! This was like literal hell right now.
‘You are getting closer, Riviana. You are getting closer to stopping her. You just need to keep going. You need to keep moving.’
“OH GREAT!” I threw my hands into the air in frustration. “That followed me too.” Stupid fucking voice. It was still with me and as annoying as ever. I was just glad that I was getting so good at blocking it out.. If I wasn’t, then this was going to be a torturous walk.
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Riviana
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I did my best to get back to the door to the royal tower. I knew that I should have just searched the floor that I was already on, but I thought that I might find something in my room, something that the voice probably didn’t want me to see. That was why it told me to keep going, not to go back to where I had been.
Then again, I could be putting too much thought into that. That was the problem with this right now. I didn’t know what to believe, what to think, or what to do. There were no definite answers that were coming to me. There were just feelings and instincts.
In truth, when you strip away the things that make up who we are, all that is left are our instincts. The feelings that we got that told us if something was safe or not. That’s what I needed to rely on right now. I may not be able to shift right now, but that didn’t mean that I was incapable of connecting to my primal self and the base instincts that all of us are born with.
Finally, after what felt like more than an entire day, or was it two, I made it up to my bedroom. I thought I had heard whispered words around me from time to time. No, it wasn’t that voice talking to me.
These voices, the ones I heard in my tower, were those of Vincent, Roisin, and several other people. I even heard the children’s voices from time to time. Little Talia’s sweet little voice that was always soft and kind. The slightly older voices of Reagan and Rika as they started to act more like big kids instead of mommy’s little babies.
At one point, when I was close to my room, I thought I even heard Joaquin’s and Noah’s voices. Those voices, specifically my husband’s, actually put me at ease. I needed to be closer to him right now. I missed him and I was starting to lose hope.
Finally, I made it into my room, even though it was only a few feet away from the door that I had been near, it still felt like it was taking me a really long time.
My room looked the same as I remember it. There were no changes at all to the place, except for the fact that it was all in various shades of gray. It was still hard for me to process all of that gray. It was weird to see my home, see myself in mirrors and for it all to just be gray. Well, I guess when I do finally get gray hair, I won’t look so bad, well, then again, my face wasn’t its usual complexion either so maybe I would look bad.
“UGH!” I sighed the words as I got closer to my bed. “I just need to rest and relax.” I was about to drop onto the mattress when I heard Joaquin’s voice again.
“I’ll be here, waiting for you Riviana, so wake up soon. We have a lot to talk about. And I don’t think you actually want Griffin to run all those tests on you. He will have you in so many medical machines that it isn’t even funny. And I know that you don’t want anyone else to find out what is going on with you. So, come on, don’t do this, don’t stay asleep. It’s time to wake up. You’ve been asleep for a long time already. If you’re still tired you can take another nap later, but I think it’s time to wake up now. Please, Riviana, wake up. Please, baby.”
I could tell that he was crying. There was definitely something wrong. Was this really happening? Was this what he was feeling right now? Has someone called him home early? Or had it been that long already?
“I love you, baby. I love you so much, Riviana. Please don’t leave me here like this. I need you. I can’t live without you. You know that, don’t you?” I focused on the bed a little more and I was actually able to see him there, in full color, lying on the bed and curled up like he was wrapped around something.
“Joaquin.” I called out to him and fought to get to the bed. I felt like, with the fervent desire to reach him coursing through my body, I was actually moving faster than I had been. That or I was just getting used to this place and how it felt to move here.
By the time that I got to the bed, I could tell that Joaquin was sound asleep as he curled himself around something that I couldn’t see. I didn’t want to think about it being my body or anything like that. That thought was just scary and morbid.
I laid my head down on his side and wrapped myself around him as best as I could. I was tired now and I needed to get some sleep. I don’t really know how long it took me to get this far in this alternate version of my home, but it had taken all that I had just to reach this point.
I was just going to lay here and sleep with my husband, my Fido. Man, I don’t call him that nearly enough. And just thinking about it made me remember the first time that I called him Fido. The first time had been when we were eating breakfast together for the first time. He kept pissing me off and finally, I just snapped at him. It was pretty funny, if I do say so myself.
I tried to focus on Joaquin, his face and his words, when I slept. I thought of good times and bad ones. I thought about the different things that have shaped our relationship and helped us to be who we are today.
“Dammit.” I said the words to myself as I snuggled against him. No matter what I was feeling, I should have talked to him about it. I’m such a horrible person. I’m a horrible mate and wife. Dammit! I should never have done this to him. “I’m sorry, Joaquin. I am sorry that I am not there with you and the kids. I am sorry that I thought I was good enough to handle this all alone. I’m so sorry.”
I wanted to sob, I wanted to cry and let all of these emotions out of me, but I couldn’t. Actually, it was more like I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t let this get the best of me. I was going to fight this and get through this. I was going to prove that I was strong enough, even without magic. I would do whatever it took, right after I snuggled and slept like a baby with my mate.
Hey, I was still an emotional person sometimes, I needed him to sooth me.. I was allowed this tiny bit of weakness, right? I was allowed to be vulnerable where my husband and mate were involved, wasn’t I? Well, no matter what someone else says, I thought that I was.
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Joaquin
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