Filed to story: Sorry Alpha I Am Wolfless Novel
I had suggested to her that she should see Griffin for her headaches, but she had refused. She had said that they weren’t bad enough to bother Griffin with them. I didn’t really believe that since I had seen her rubbing her temples several times over the last few days.
I knew she was suffering, but she wouldn’t let me help her. She wouldn’t talk to me about it. She was just bottling it all up inside and ignoring it instead of talking to me about it.
Dammit! Why wouldn’t she talk to me? Why wouldn’t she tell me what was going on with her? Did she not trust me anymore? Did I do something to make her lose faith in me? What had happened between us?
I didn’t have too much time to mull over this, though. I needed to get ready to go. I needed to prepare and that meant informing her staff of a few things before I left.
I talked to Vincent, who I knew would be with my Little Bunny while I was away for the next two days. I told him to keep an eye on her, to make sure she ate, slept, and did what she needed to do.
Lately, I was sure that she was working at night so that she could spend the afternoons and evenings after school with the kids. Ever since the first day of school it was like she was three times busier than she had been before.
Hadn’t she hired like half a dozen new staff members so that she didn’t have to work like this? Why was she still putting so much work on herself? Ugh! This was so frustrating.
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Riviana
****
Joaquin was getting ready to leave for a couple of days. He was going on a business trip to meet with all the top executives at the sub companies that he owned. It was something to do with a mass merger or something, I didn’t really know for sure since I had been so busy myself.
I felt horrible that I didn’t even know what was going on with my own husband and the company that he owned. That made me feel like a terrible wife and it only made me want to work harder and do better. I just knew that if I put my work on hold and spent more time with the family during the evening, and then went back to work after they were in bed, then I would be able to know what was going on and I could be a better wife, a better mother, and a better queen. I needed to do better all around. I needed to do everything that I possibly could.
The kids were taking the bus to school now that it wasn’t the first day. Joaquin and I saw them off to the bus together, then it was time for him to leave. He wouldn’t be here when the kids got home today so I needed to be extra attentive and help the kids tonight. I needed to be twice the Mommy for family time tonight. I could do it. I had to do it.
“Are you sure that you’re going to be OK?” Joaquin asked me as he cupped my cheeks in his large hands and looked into my eyes.
“Why wouldn’t I be OK?” I smiled at him and made my eyes as calm as I could, even as the voice repeated its words in my head again, over and over.
‘If he leaves you will lose it all. They will die. They will all die. They will all die. They will all die. They will all die. They will all die. They will all die. They will all die.’ The words were becoming meaningless to me but they were still annoying.
“I don’t know, Little Bunny, I just worry about you. I know you’ve been taking on a lot of work lately and I know that you’re so tired. I think you need to talk to Griffin, or Lana, or even Juniper. Please, baby, please talk to someone.” He was begging me like he knew the truth of what had been in my head lately. Wait? Did he know? Had he figured it out already. What was I going to do about this?
“I’m fine, Joaquin. I promise you that I am fine. If things don’t get better soon, then I will talk to Griffin, OK.”
“Promise?” He looked so heartbroken and so worried, that I knew right then and there that he knew that I was going crazy.
“Yes, I promise. I don’t want to worry you anymore, alright? When you come back, we will talk about it then. But, please, don’t worry about me during your trip. You need to focus on your work.”
“No, I need to focus on you. You’re more important than work. I am only going on this trip because you insisted on it. I could have sent someone else in my stead.” His voice was filled with anger, but I don’t think it was directed solely at me.
“You are the big boss, the head honcho, the top dog, you need to be the one to go Joaquin. It’s important.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” He was sulking now. It was funny sometimes, to watch his mood flip flop like this.
“Don’t worry, I will be here waiting for you when you get back. And who knows, I might just be more rested by then as well. I am going to try and give more work to the others soon.”
“You’d better.”
He kissed me then. A deep kiss that showed me how much he loved me. I can’t believe that I ever doubted that part of him. He was my mate, my husband, my everything. I needed to trust in him.
After that, I watched him leave. He walked out the front door, down the steps of the castle and got into the SUV limo that was waiting for him. I thought about that for a minute, about how that little part of our routine hadn’t changed. Whenever we leave, we always leave through the front door and almost always leave in a big black SUV of one type or another.
Seeing this was nostalgic and made me smile. I thought about how little had changed, and that alone made me feel like I could deal with even more than I usually did. Knowing that despite everything, we were still the same people deep down.
Those thoughts made me know that the voice wasn’t real and that it couldn’t hurt me. I was the same person that I always was, and I wasn’t going to cause people to die. I wasn’t that type of person. I never could do something like that.
OK, I might be stretching a bit here, but I needed something to give me strength.
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Riviana
****
The day that Joaquin left was, by far, the worst one yet. I tried my best to concentrate on work, but I just couldn’t do it. The kids were at school and Joaquin was off on the plane somewhere, flying to a meeting with some corporate bigwigs.
I never usually interacted much with them when I was working, but I always knew that someone was there for me. This time though, none of them were there.
Yeah, OK, Lila, Mom, Dad, Grandfather, Nikki, all of them were here with me, even Juniper was here at the castle. But that didn’t mean that they were near me. And for some reason, their presence in the castle didn’t calm the voice as much as my mate or children did.
With everyone gone, with me being truly alone for the first time since the voice started, it just grew worse and worse until it got to epic proportions.
‘Everyone is going to die, Riviana. They will all die, and it will all be your fault. Thousands, no millions of deaths and it will all be your fault. You are going to be responsible for the end of your people. You will be responsible for destroying them all. You will murder them with your own hands. You will have their blood on your hands. Run now, Riviana. Run, run away now, before you kill them all. Leave! Go now! Don’t let them die because of you.’
