Filed to story: Sorry Alpha I Am Wolfless Novel
“Leave me alone.” I snapped at the voice. “I don’t want to hear you. I don’t want to think about you.”
‘You have no choice, Riviana. I am the you that has been hidden in the dark. I am the you that will never leave you. I am the you that even you are afraid of.’
“NO!” I yelled and put my hands over my ears as if that would drown out the sound of the voice. “You’re lying. That is not true. You’re not me. You can’t be. I am me. I am me.”
‘You cannot block out the sound of my voice, Riviana. I am inside of you. I am in your head. I am in your heart. I am in your soul. I cannot be gotten rid of. I am the darkness that lives inside of you.’
“NO!” I yelled again, as I started to run across the dark space in front of me. If this voice was the darkness, then getting to the light would help me.
‘Yes, Riviana. It is all true. I am a part of you and I will neve go away. So, you might as well embrace me. I would very much like to come out and play. It is so lonely living in the darkness. I don’t much enjoy a life of shadows.’
“This isn’t real. This isn’t real. It can’t be real. This isn’t me. I swear this isn’t me.” I was frantic now, running away from the phantom voice inside of my head. It sounded like me but it didn’t say what I would have said.
Just thinking about that, about what all of this might mean, I wanted to run away. I needed to run away. I would get out of this darkness and into the light that was in front of me. I wasn’t going to move so slowly now. I wasn’t going to slide my feet along the ground and be as careful as I could be. There was no more time for that.
If I took too much more time to get across the room, the largest fucking room that I had ever encountered in my entire life, if it took me too much longer to get into the light then I would lose my mind. I just knew it.
I had already felt on the verge of losing my sanity ever since that other voice took up residence inside of my mind. Now I was dealing with another voice that I couldn’t block out and that sounded like me. Right now, I just didn’t know what were actually my own thoughts and what was spoken by that voice that claimed to be me.
‘This is all quite real, Riviana. I am not going anywhere. I am you and you are me. I am in the dark, and you can’t return to the light. We are going to be the same soon. Just give it time.’
“Stop talking. Just shut up. Leave me alone. I am going to get back to the light. I am going to get out of here. I am going to make it home. I am not you. You are not me. I would never think about those things.” I was running full out now, racing toward that light that was slowly getting bigger in the distance.
‘I would not be so sure of that, Riviana. You think some things that are truly vile sometimes, you just don’t tell those around you. You are a murderer. A killer. A monster that has caused the death of countless people. You have used your own hands to cause death and destruction. You have caused heartache and pain. You have done so much more than the average person and you will do even more over the course of your unnaturally long life. I cannot wait to see the bedlam and mayhem that will come from you. I cannot wait to see what torture and pain you bring to others. Let me see it, Riviana. Let me be a part of it. Let me watch the blood run and the masses run in panic. Let me hear the frantic cries of fear and pain from the many people that you are going to destroy in your future. Let me bask in the glory of that wonderful destruction.’
“Whoever you are, you’re sick. Do you hear me?” I paused and started yelling at the darkness around me. “You’re a sick, twisted, disgusting person and I know that you are not me, you can’t be.”
“Heh heh heh. I love how certain you are of that fact. It makes it all the more special for me. That way, when your image of yourself crumbles to nothingness, that will just be another form of pleasure for me. Go on, Riviana, keep fighting it, don’t accept me for what I am. I will enjoy your inevitable fall that much more now.’
The voice disappeared then as it laughed into the background. Only, it didn’t disappear completely. It was still there, in the back of my mind, laughing at me with its evil, ominous tones.
“Go away!” I snapped at it again as I started to run again. I was running harder and faster than I ever remember running in my entire life. I needed to outrun that voice and the things that it was saying to me. I needed to get away from here and into the light. That was the only way.
If the voice claimed to be nothing but darkness, then I needed to get into the light so that I would be free of it.
“Just a little more. Keep going. Get to the light. Get out of the darkness and into the light.” I was trying to give myself a pep talk as I pushed forward and moved toward the only semblance of freedom that I could see. I didn’t want this voice to lord over me and control my life. I would get out of here, get to the light, and find a way to get home.
‘Heh heh heh.’ The voice was still laughing like an asshole in the back of my mind every time that I thought I might escape it. ‘Heh heh heh.’ It was starting to piss me off more than it was annoying me. ‘Heh heh heh.’ Each time that it laughed at me, my anger flared, and I felt like I wanted to punch something or someone.
“”GAH!” I grabbed my head and screamed in frustration. “That fucking laugh is even worse than the words that the voice was saying. This is so fucking annoying.”
‘Heh heh heh.’ The voice laughed louder and harder this time.. Apparently, they thought that was even funnier than the stuff from before.
****
Riviana
****
I ran. I ran and I ran and I ran as hard as I could. That laugh, that voice, all of it was getting to me. I couldn’t help it. There was just something about it that was scaring me. Maybe it was right, maybe it wasn’t, but whatever it was, it was getting to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore.
Every step I took, each time that my foot met the floor of this dark room, I could see that light growing larger in the distance.
“Oh thank the Goddess. At least I am making progress. At least I can tell that I am getting closer. This doesn’t seem to be one of those fun house, or horror house effects. That is one good thing.”
Why did I keep talking to myself? Was it so that I could drown out the sound of the voice inside my head? I didn’t know if that was the real reason or not, but it seemed like a good idea to me. So, I was going to keep talking. I was going to do whatever I needed to so that I didn’t officially go insane.
Or is talking to myself and justifying it with feeble responses from myself even more insane than letting that voice take over my mind? Honestly, I didn’t know anymore. All I knew was that I was almost to that light and I would feel a lot better once I got there.
“Just a little more, Riviana, come on, keep going. That’s it. Keep running. Go. Go. Go. Go.” Yeah, this little pep talk I was giving myself wasn’t crazy at all. I was doing just fine. Yup, nothing to worry about here.
Run. Run. Run. Run. I stopped talking out loud because I was starting to feel silly, but I chanted along inside of my head. Hey, it was helping me just a little bit. Each step I took I said the words inside my head. Run. Run. Run. Run.
Finally, the light was right there. It looked like it was a campfire that was just sitting there in the middle of the room ahead of me.
Yeah, that’s what it was. It was a campfire with large sitting logs laying around it. The fire itself was huge too. I could literally walk right into it, and it would still be way taller than I was.
Not that I was going to walk into it. That would truly make me insane. No, I was just noting the very impressive height of the fire that was looming before me. It was massive and definitely dangerous. Who the hell would want a fire that big to begin with?
Even though I was still so far away from the fire, I could feel the heat that was coming off of it. I hadn’t even realized how cold I was until I was this close to the fire and I felt the warmth that it was giving me.
“Damn, that feels good.” I couldn’t stop myself from crying out as I started to feel warmer and the numbness in my limbs that I hadn’t even noticed started to subside.
The ends of my fingers and the tips of my toes were actually starting to prickle with a slight amount of pain now that I could feel them again. It was strange, the things that I hadn’t noticed around me. Was I just ignoring it or was I just not able to tell the difference in things anymore? Or was it just this place in general?
