Filed to story: Sorry Alpha I Am Wolfless Novel
“I am tired, Mom.” I grimaced at her. “I’m very tired.”
“I know you are, baby. I know you are. All new moms get tired, especially when they have multiples. But what else is wrong?”
“I just thought it would be easier. I didn’t think it would be this hard to be a mother.” I felt that I was about to lose control of the emotions that I had been holding back for the last few days.
“Having kids isn’t easy, honey. They’re a lot of work. They take a lot out of you every day. But you know what? They’re worth it. When you look into their little faces, when they hold your finger, when they fall asleep because it’s you. Or when they’re older and their eyes light up to see you, when they smile, when they laugh. When they learn to crawl, when they learn to walk and then when they run to you for a hug, it’s all worth it.”
I felt the tears coming now, they were flowing slowly down my cheeks as I listened to her talking.
“Mom?” I cried out her name and she hugged me and Reagan tightly. “I..I..I just feel like I’m not good enough. If Joaquin hadn’t made me then I wouldn’t have taken naps while Reagan and Rika were sleeping. But even though he says I should take them, and I know I should, I still feel guilty for abandoning my responsibilities. I just don’t know what I should do half of the time. I don’t know why but I just feel sad.”
“That’s normal, honey. It’s fine. A lot of women go through that. It’s alright. We can work through this. We’re all here for you.”
With Mom’s prompting, I told her everything I was feeling, and then we worked on a plan of action that would help me to work out how to do all of this. I know that I needed to accept help and not try to do it all on my own, but that was hard for me too. I was used to being the one to get stuff done. I didn’t want to make someone else take care of my babies for me. That wouldn’t be right.
Joaquin came to see me on his lunch break. He was still on leave from work technically, but they needed him for something important so he was going in for a few days this week to sort it all out. I told him some of the changes I was going to make, which included me pumping some of my milk so that he would be able to bottle feed the babies and help out more. He liked that idea and was excited to feed them himself.
I also got a call around six that night. It was from Paul and his voice was frantic.
“Juniper is in labor. We’re heading for the hospital now. Don’t come tonight. I know it will be hard on you. You can come and see her and the babies tomorrow, or when we’re home.” He was out of breath when he was done talking, like it was physically exhausting to just tell me what he had to say.
“Keep me posted, please. Text me updates and pictures of the babies. I can’t wait to meet them.”
I was excited. My best friend’s babies were almost here. And only fifteen days after mine too. That made eight babies in four weeks, the pack sure was growing pretty fast now, wasn’t it?
I spent the rest of the night frantically waiting for updates and feeding the babies. I was so nervous that Joaquin made me leave the room and get dinner with him while the babies slept. He said I needed a distraction. This was actually the first time I had even gone downstairs in two weeks. I hadn’t left the fourth floor since the party the day we got home. That was pretty silly of me, but I didn’t think that there was anywhere else that I needed to be.
Abigail was excited to see me and hugged me tightly. She was happy that we were a family, and she was loving cooking for us again now that I was home. She said that everytime we left she was lonely. I didn’t like to make her lonely, maybe I should come and see her more often.
That was when it hit me. Most of the staff hadn’t actually met the babies yet. I was a very bad lady of the house. I had been neglectful. And when I pointed this out they all laughed at me. Every single one of them from the maids to the cooks, even Peter laughed at me. They thought it was funnier that I was upset than the fact that they should have been introduced already.
I don’t know why, but just that little trip down the stairs made me feel better. I think I was going stir crazy from being in just those few rooms. Yeah they were big but they also only had so much to offer me. I needed to see more, go to more places, and see more people. I think the lack of people was what was getting to me. I had the bed rest followed by isolating myself after the babies. I needed to be with people.
****
Riviana
****
I got the pictures from Paul, their babies had been born. Rowan and Ilana were here and doing great. Rowan was just under six pounds and was nineteen inches long, Ilana was five and a half pounds and eighteen inches long.
I went the day after they were born to see them. I left Joaquin at home with the babies and went with Cedar to see Juniper at the hospital. I couldn’t stay long since I needed to get home for the babies. I was going to start pumping today so that I could store milk for feedings later in the day. It would also allow Joaquin to feed the babies and bond with them too.
While I was at the hospital though, I hugged and congratulated Juniper and Paul. They had made two beautiful babies, and I knew they were going to be a happy family. We also made plans to get together for Christmas or New Years, whenever it is that Juniper was feeling up to it.
That made me think about the fact that we were going to have our first Christmas with the babies soon. It was just eight days away, and I hadn’t gotten anything for them. I needed to leave earlier now and stop at the store. I know they were too young for gifts so I just wanted to get a special Christmas ornament for them. Something to commemorate their first Christmas with us.
I found some that were perfect. Baby’s first ornaments in the shape of snowflakes that were made of crystal and stained pink and blue. There was also one that said our first Christmans and had a place for a photo. I bought that one too. I wanted to get a family picture taken soon and put it in there.
When I got home, I decided to hide the presents from Joaquin; he could be the one to open them for the twins on Christmas. I think that would make him happy, to open the first present that our babies would ever receive. They were easy to wrap as well, all I needed to do was put them into a few gift bags and then put them under the tree with everything else.
I was making more of an effort not to hole myself up in just the one part of the house. I was trying to live in the house with Reagan, Rika, and Joaquin and not live in our rooms. So, when I was done with the gifts, I went upstairs to get the babies with Joaquin. We went to the living room where we usually sat as a family, and that was where I nursed the babies. This was our family home, and we were wolves. We were supposed to have no shame, or that was what Joaquin had told me when suggesting that I breastfeed in the other parts of the house.
I was worried about the staff at first, but then I thought about how most of them are like family anyway, so I got over that really quick. Even Vincent, who was guarding me today, didn’t seem to be embarrassed by the fact that I was nursing out in the open. Then again, he had his fourth kid on the way and probably saw it as normal by now.
I was just getting started with Reagan when Gabriel came in, asking if he could speak to me.
“Queen Riviana, I have important information for you.” He knelt in front of me and put a hand against his chest. This was a formal meeting that he wanted. And to think, Reagan just latched on.
“You can rise and speak, Gabriel.” I instructed him.
“Thank you, my lady.” He stood and finally saw what it was that I was actually doing. “Oh, would you like me to come back?”
“It’s fine Gabriel, just tell me the information that you have.” I smiled and looked at him while the baby in my arms continued his meal.
“W..w..w..well, I..I..I uhm, are you sure you don’t want me to come back, my lady?” Gabriel wasn’t looking at me. This was the reaction that I thought most of the house was going to have to me feeding my babies in the open.
“Is there a problem, Gabriel? Does the Queen feeding the Prince make you uncomfortable?” Vincent eyed the man and spoke in a matter of fact tone.
“No, no it’s not a problem. It’s…it’s just life. Natural.” I could tell when I first met Gabriel he was not used to a lot of things in the world, but they still breastfed babies back when he was a young man, he should remember that. Was he getting used to this new life and somehow was becoming embarrassed because he wanted a mate himself? I would have to look into that more later.
“If there is no problem, then deliver the information that you have for the Luna Queen. She is waiting for you.” Vincent sounded stern, like he was ordering the man to do his job, which I guess he was.
“Alright.” Gabriel took a deep breath to settle himself before he continued. “As I told you that I would, I have been researching your family history. You wanted to know why there might have been issues during the pregnancy. I am sorry that it took this long to report my findings; there were a few people in your family tree that I was unable to find proper information on. I have looked as far as I could but the trails stop dead. I am truly sorry, my Queen.” He hung his head like he was ashamed of himself.
