Chapter 86 – Sorry Alpha I Am Wolfless Novel

Filed To Story: Sorry Alpha I Am Wolfless Novel

“Riviana, are you ok?” I heard Lila this time, she was holding my hands and looking at me with fear in her eyes.

“I-I-I’m f-fine.” I stuttered.

“What happened?” She asked me, not convinced by my attempt to reassure her.

“I think I just had a bit of an existential crisis, that’s all.” I tried to smile at her.

“Riviana, sweetie, what is going on with you?”

“I don’t think I belong here. I don’t belong with Joaquin, and he knows it. The whole pack knows it, that’s why so many people still don’t accept me.”

“That’s crap.” She snapped at me. “You’re his mate. You belong wherever he is.”

“But I don’t. I don’t have a wolf. I’m not strong enough for him or the pack. I’m not good enough for him.”

“Where is this coming from, Riviana? Why are you saying this?”

“He’s said it himself, Lila. He has told me I’m not allowed to fight because I don’t have a wolf and therefore, I’m not strong enough, even though I have been trained to fight for years. He has told me he doesn’t want me as a mate, that I was a weak little girl with no wolf, and I would just drag him down. He told me he hates me.”

I was hyperventilating by the time I was done. Remembering the two different nights that Joaquin told me these words was like tearing my heart out of my chest. I was so in love with him now that I knew there was no chance for my heart to be spared. I now understood though. I knew why he rejected me, why he didn’t want me. And I don’t even blame him now. I wasn’t one of them, and I never would be. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. They fell, unhindered, down my cheeks.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Lila soothed as she hugged me tight to her chest. I tried to stop crying, but the silent tears turned into sobbing. I had not cried over his words since the day I told Juniper about what had happened. Not like this anyway, not since I cried in the bathroom.

“Shh.” Lila shushed me. “It’s alright Riviana. You have it all wrong.”

“No, I don’t. He told me all this himself, didn’t you hear me?” I implored her.

“I know sweetie. I heard you. But there is something you don’t know.”

“It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t love me, and he never will.” I wiped the tears from my face as I spoke. “I can’t be with someone who doesn’t love me.”

“Honey, can I tell you something?” Lila asked me as she pulled a chair closer so she could sit next to me. I nodded. “Joaquin told me something, something that you need to know. I probably should have told you sooner, but I wanted you to put him in his place a few more times before I told you.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked her as I tilted my head in confusion. Lila sighed as if she was about to say something that was difficult.

“Do you remember when we talked about all of this before. After you got hurt?” I nodded to answer her. “Well, the first thing I did after that was go and yell at my son. I couldn’t believe what an idiot he had been, and how cruel he had been to you.”

“You didn’t need to say anything to him, Lila. Things are fine the way they are.”

“No, I had to say something. And I am glad I did.” She smiled at me as she sat up straight in her chair. “You see, Joaquin explained a few things to me, and I was able to clear a few things up for him.”

“What do you mean?” I was more confused now than when she started.

“Joaquin had a terrible misconception about the past. And he also told me why he wanted to keep you at bay.”

“I don’t think it matters anymore.” I sighed. “We will never be true mates.”

“Please, listen to me.” She begged me. “He thought that you would never be able to truly bond with him, being that you have no wolf. He thought that he would end up loving you so much more than you could ever love him because he didn’t think you could truly feel the mate bond.”

“That’s insane, if I can form the mate bond, then I can feel it. I don’t know how it feels for him, but for me, for me it’s like being near the other half of my soul, my heart. I love him more every day whether I want to or not. I want to be near him all the time, to know that he is safe and happy, but I know that I can’t have that. I know that if I were to be near him, he would not be happy, and potentially he wouldn’t be safe with the people trying to get to me. I am nothing but poison to him.”

“Wait, wait and listen, please.” She pleaded. “Joaquin thought that a man he once knew, Steven, my cousin, had mated with a human woman born into a wolf pack. She was human yes, but he was not truly mated. She tricked him, made him fall in love with her. He got so deep into it that he said he didn’t care that there was no mate bond, and he was going to be with her forever. But she was not in love with him. She betrayed him. She was the reason my husband and brother-in-law died. She was the reason I was lost to Joaquin for all those years.” I was in shock upon hearing all this.

“He thought that they had mated, but that she was incapable of feeling the bond like a wolf. He didn’t know the truth. Steven hadn’t told many people the truth, after all.”

“So, he thought I was going to betray him too?” I cried. “He thought that little of me?”

“He was broken, Riviana, you have to understand that. He didn’t know the truth and was hurting.” Her words broke my heart, but not for what Joaquin had thought of me, for what he must have been feeling.

“There was something else he told me as well. After he became Alpha, there were people who tried to manipulate him to use his power. They sent women to use him. He learned to not trust women at all. He built walls around his heart to protect himself. He was afraid to let you in. He would never tell you this himself, but he was scared.”

“I understand.” I told her as I got to my feet. I had a lot to think about now. “I can understand why he said what he did. Why he has never trusted me and why he rejects me.”

“But sweetheart, he doesn’t reject you.” She tried to convince me.

“I will believe that when he tells me that himself.” I smiled at her sadly before I left the room. I never got the chance to talk about the daycare like I wanted. I would try again later.

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