Filed To Story: Destined Bond with My Forbidden Alpha Novel (Alpha Alexander & Selene)
The conversation about Cain had fallen away after an interruption or two from the nurses that were checking on Selene.
There was more that needed to be said. But Selene recognized that it was also challenging to hear. Fiona needed to have time to process the new information she had been given, and Selene had more answers to find.
But even though the conversation about Cain was done, it was clear that Fiona still had something she wanted to say to Selene.
“I don’t really want to beat around the bush, Selene. So, I’m just going to say what I want to say,” Fiona said.
Selene swallowed but nodded.
“You could have been seriously hurt today. But you still held back against me,” Fiona smiled at her. “Why?”
Selene let out a sigh.
“Fiona, I mean no disrespect, but I can’t just let go of my control. I could hurt people, not just you, but literally anyone around me,” Selene said. “I might have hurt Abe.”
“I do understand,” Fiona replied.
Selene sighed.
“I know Bell told you about my father,” Fiona continued. “I may not have grown up in Winter, but I was exposed to the berserker rage. As you know, it doesn’t just go away when you are no longer ranked.”
“No,” Selene said softly.
In Winter, most berserkers who lost their rank continued to try to regain it for the rest of their lives. However, those that retired found it difficult to return to a life without the sparring and challenges..
One of the reasons Selene trained as hard as she did as often was to help curb the natural cravings of being a berserker.
“My interest in the military was largely due to my father’s unique needs,” Fiona smiled. “He trained day and night, and when I was old enough, I joined him in sparring sessions and guided meditations.”
Selene listened as Fiona spoke. She tried to imagine her as a young girl running through the trees with her father, sparring with him.
“I know Summer was interested in berserkers for a long time. If your father was one, why did Alexander need me?” Selene asked.
“My father refused to share any of his knowledge with Summer. He respected Winter; to him, being a berserker was tied to Winter. So he couldn’t share that with others.”
Selene nodded. She was glad to hear it.
“He struggled a lot,” Fiona said. “There were times he had to be locked in solitary to keep himself and others safe.”
Selene swallowed and looked away.
“Then you should understand why I hold back.”
“I do,” Fiona nodded. “You’re afraid.”
Selene looked back at Fiona, she knew, she understood, and yet the way she had said it… It sounded insulting.
“I actually objected to letting Alexander train with a berserker,” Fiona smiled.
“You did?”
Fiona nodded.
“I knew what it took for my father to maintain a level of normalcy, I was afraid of what it would do to Alexander if he was given that rage.”
“We only trained together, I wasn’t ever going to turn him into a berserker,” Selene said.
“I know,” Fiona smiled. “But I was sure he would want to be one.”
Selene didn’t agree, Alexander liked having control, understanding every action he took. Being a berserker would have required him to let go.
“My father struggled the most when my mother was involved,” Fiona said. “She loved him a great deal, but the rage terrified her.”
“It should,” Selene replied softly.
Fiona looked at Selene with a profound sadness in her eyes.
“When did you get so scared of your strength?” Fiona asked.
Selene looked back at her.
When was it?
The wolves she had torn apart in the attack on Summer haunted her. Something about them, about the way she couldn’t remember their faces even in her meditations of the event. It bothered her, but it didn’t scare her.
A metallic taste in her mouth, black hair, and the slowing of Alexander’s heart. Shattered memories crashed together in one moment.
Jackson.
He was trying to kill Alexander, he would have. He was a bad person who had done so many terrible things….
Why was she so afraid of the power she felt when she sunk her teeth into him?
“It’s too easy,” Selene said quietly.
“What is?” Fiona asked.
“Killing.”
Fiona looked at Selene and considered her carefully. She took a deep breath.
“It always has been,” she said softly. “Think harder.”
Selene furrowed her brows and looked at Fiona. How could she know what the problem was? When Selene herself didn’t know.
Another partial memory flashed before her eyes. She was crying, hugging herself tightly, trying to make herself small against the wall. Jackson stared down at her; he was apologizing. But his face just for a moment. He smiled.
Her memory jumped again, back to the attack on Summer, to pulling the men that attacked her apart, feeling the skin tearing, their bones breaking. And something else.
Him. Through the shred of bond they shared. She felt his excitement.
Selene gasped and turned her head to the side, hunching over the bed rail just in time for the bile that had risen in her throat to splash onto the floor below.
She coughed and gagged. Her stomach continued to churn, and she threw up again as she understood what it was that had bothered her so much.
“It’s ok,” Fiona said, pulling back Selene’s hair and running her hand gently over her back. “It’s ok.”
After her stomach had finally settled, Selene sat back in her bed. Someone came in and cleaned up the mess she had made, once they had left Fiona sat back down beside her.
“Selene,” she said. “I know it can be difficult to talk about the things that hurt or upset us. Especially with those we only want to see the best in us.”
Selene looked away, trying to hide the tears that gathered in her eyes.
“But I am more than willing to listen or sit beside you as you process those things. I am happy to help you with guided meditation, or through sparring and training,” Fiona continued. “But, the most important thing is that you find that fear and you work through it.
“My father avoided it, for a long time. He wore silver bracelets day and night. But after a while, it hurt him, mentally. He wasn’t a wolf anymore, and even more than that, he could feel it in the back of his mind, like a dog scratching at the door. It was driving him crazy.”
Fiona looked down, taking a breath before continuing.
“He told me that the only way to know what you truly fear and can truly handle was to face it head-on. So he voluntarily locked himself in solitary, removed the bracelets, and lost himself in the rage. At home, my mother struggled with her own troubles.”
“What happened?” Selene asked.
Fiona lifted her head and looked at Selene.
“There weren’t suppression pills back then,” she said quietly. “All that my father was dealing with, channeled back to her, and she wasn’t prepared for it.”
Selene swallowed. Fiona gave a sad smile and turned away.
“When my father came home, he was a different man. He was calm, he was cheerful. My mother started to get better as well. Sometimes I heard them talking, I heard her apologizing. Telling him she didn’t understand before.”
Selene hadn’t considered what it would be like for the mate of a berserker.
“He still trained and meditated, but not nearly as often, he said he found the thing he feared. He found what threatened his control, and he made a decision. Whatever it was, it didn’t hold power over him anymore.”
“It sounds so easy,” Selene whispered.
“Then you weren’t listening,” Fiona smiled.
Selene looked up at her, and Fiona touched her cheek gently.
“You are a brave and strong woman. You are a Luna. Whatever is holding you back, you are stronger.”
Fiona gave Selene a hug and then excused herself, knowing that Selene had a lot to process and needed her rest.
Selene closed her eyes, feeling the weight of the day, her thoughts, and everything else settling over her. Then, her mind slowly began to drift away into the depths of her dreams.
That was when she felt the warmth of his touch along her hip.
He laid down behind her, bringing his hand to rest on her hip while nuzzling into her hair, inhaling her scent. It filled him with a sense of home, comfort, and warmth.
Selene was surprised but not startled by his presence.
New Book: Veiled Desires of the Alpha King Novel
Dayson was the alpha of the largest pack in North America. Powerful figures from other packs sought to offer gorgeous girls as potential mates for Dayson. He steadfastly rejected these advances, he was not a pawn to be manipulated. But eventually there came a mysterious girl he could hardly say No. Who was she?