Filed to story: Falling for My Ex's Mafia Dad Novel Free PDF (Fay Alden & Kent Lippert)
“Tell me,” he murmurs, his voice low, his chest rumbling with the words.
And without hesitation, I do.
Kent holds me tight for what feels like hours as I tell him everything. He’s a better listener than I thought he’d be, only interrupting softly when he doesn’t understand, or needs more details. I start at the beginning, telling him of my sleepless night and determination, of how hard it was not only to make myself think of a plan ridiculous enough to work, but to convince myself that it could be real, that it could actually work.
My voice lowers when I begin to speak of my father, and of Ivan, and the decision to take one out and let the other live. It remains soft as I describe sorting through what felt like a very un-motherly desire for vengeance and balancing it with a cool determination to remove the true threats to our continued lives together. I give Kent the full details of how I made Ivan trust me, made him think I loved him before ruthlessly using his conviction to get him to move half the cops in the state to a point hundreds of miles from Kent’s crash.
I hesitate only when it comes time to tell him about today, about this morning. But Kent’s arms tighten around me, encouraging, and so I begin. My voice begins to shake a little as I’m forced to relive it trapping my father, poisoning him, being fully aware that Fiona was arranging for the murder of his closest allies while Daniel slipped poison into his glass of champagne and then cut his throat. All to solidify our control, or dominance.
To ensure that there was no one left to come after us when we walked away.
I’m crying by the time I finish, little tears slipping down my cheeks as I wonder at the woman I’ve become. Because I always wanted to be a psychologist, someone who helps people.
And what am I now?
When I go quiet, and he can tell that I’m finished, Kent finally shifts, turning slightly so that he can look into my face, moving a hand to my cheek and turning my eyes towards him. Slowly, gently, he brushes my tears away.
“I’m sorry, Fay,” he murmurs, and I shake my head, dismissing it
But his hand stills. “No,” he says, firmer now, and I look up at him. “I want you to hear me say it. I’m sorry you never should have been in that position to have to have made those choices. That’s my fault.”
I scoff, shaking my head. “It can’t be your fault, Kent Ivan and my father did that to you ”
“I should have seen it coming,” he murmurs.
“You couldn’t ”
“I could have,” he says, insistent, and I go quiet, looking up at him, considering that if he was willing to listen to me then I should at least do the same for him. “I failed you, and Daniel, when I didn’t. If I had, you wouldn’t have had to go through all of this ”
“No,” I say, firm now myself, frowning and shaking my head at him as I lift my hand to his face, placing the tips of my fingers across his lips. He stops, staring at me, I think surprised. But I don’t let myself consider it. “I won’t let you take the guilt of this from my shoulders, Kent. It’s mine ”
“But even if I want to ”
“Stop,” I command, serious, needing him to hear me on this. He raises his eyebrows a little, surprised.
But he lets me continue.
“This is mine, Kent,” I say softly, dropping my hand. “If I let you take the blame…you also take from me my conviction that all of these were my choices, that these were things that I did. From the beginning, you told me I was a pawn in this game and I know my father felt the same ”
I see guilt flash across Kent’s face as he remembers the way he explained my place in this world by demonstrating to me that I was a mere penny to be moved around the table by men more powerful than me.
“But none of this, Kent,” I say softly, “none of my actions these past two months have been the natural result of a bigger player’s move. It was me, choosing to step in, to play my own cards. If you try to take the guilt from me…”
He nods, understanding. “It would be me, in my way, claiming your moves as my own.”
“I…won’t let you do that, Kent,” I say quietly, shaking my head. “I think…I think I’m different now from who I was before. It means something to me, this knowledge that I can handle myself in this world. I won’t let you take it from me.”
Slowly, he lowers his face, pressing his forehead to mine. “Good,” he murmurs, his word a simple affirmation of everything I think and I feel. Because…I wouldn’t take it back, would I?
“Will you hate me for it?” I whisper.
“Hmm?” he asks, moving a way a little, frowning at me.
“For not letting you take this from me? For…for having blood on my hands? For being different than the sweet girl you…liked?”
“Fay,” Kent sighs, his frown deepening. “If you think that I haven’t been aware for many months now that you’re capable of great and terrible things and loved you because of it…”
“What?” I ask, leaning away a little, shocked.
He laughs lightly and dips his head again, lower now, to press a kiss gently to my neck. “Maybe not from the start,” he murmurs, his lips grazing my skin, making a shiver run through me. “But…very soon after, love I realized precisely what you were, and I loved you for it.”
“And what I am I?” I ask, deeply curious.
“Well,” he says, lifting his head and looking me in the eye. “There may be a great deal about us that is dissimilar on the surface,” he murmurs. “I’m…hard, and you are soft, and sweet. And you’re small, and delicate ”
“And you’re gigantic,” I laugh, making him laugh too, pulling me tighter against him.
“Yes, that,” he continues. “And you’re the bright fire to my darkness, the song to my silence, but deep down? In our hearts, our true selves, where it matters?”
And suddenly, I realize that he’s right and that this was perhaps the spark that rose between us. Kent and I what we see echoed from the depths of each other is a reflection of ourselves. And if Kent can accept that he is capable of murder to defend the ones he loves…
…then he must accept, must have accepted for a long time, that I am as well.
“Whatever souls are made of,” I murmur, lifting my chin to look steadily into his eyes.
“Yours and mine are the same,” he finishes.
And I laugh, pleased even beyond myself
“Do you remember,” I say suddenly, all in a rush, “the first time I said that ”
“Yes,” Kent growls, his voice harsh now, rumbling against me as he tightens his grip on my body, pulling me close, wrapping his fingers in my hair. “Except you said it about that damn horse instead of me I’ve never been so jealous of a horse in my life, Fay ”
I’m laughing now, warmly, richly, joy thrumming through every inch of me. But my laugh is cut short, because Kent finally
Finally
He claims my mouth with his own, kissing me breathless.
Things move quickly now, as they should have before but I realize that I was holding back because I didn’t understand, didn’t trust that he would see me for who I am and love me anyway.
But now that I realize that he’s seen it all along? And loved it all along?
God, the freedom I feel
I let it all go then, in an instant. Any hesitations, any fears gone.
And left in their wake is a pure, undiluted love for this man, who is my match in every way. A man who I very much want, right now.
And who very, very clearly wants me just as much.