Filed To Story: The Trap Of Ace Book PDF Free
My hands shook at my sides.
The pain in my heart only soared high, it physically hurt.
I knew it.
I knew she was going to hate me.
After knowing what a monster I was, she could never love me the way she did.
She could never stay with a murderer.
A murderer who killed his own father.
I clutched my chest, trying not to fall apart or destroy something.
This fear, this fear of losing her didn’t let me sleep for years.
Once I let her go because I didn’t deserve her time and love.
I let go of her not only because I was a drug addict and I didn’t think I had a future, but also because I knew my past wouldn’t let me live freely so easily.
It’d follow me everywhere I go.
A monster like me didn’t deserve a flower like her.
But I was too selfish to stay away for long.
Her absence in my life was ruining me.
The thought of those turquoise eyes not looking at me with full of love and adoration, not hearing my name from her sweet angelic voice, not watching her blushing because of me, and not hearing her giggles drove me insane.
It still did.
That was why I didn’t want to tell her.
I decided to keep my past miles away from her so it never could be a hindrance in my path of keeping her in my life.
But… but she deserved the truth.
She deserved to know everything about me before I bound her to me for the rest of our lives.
I couldn’t keep her in the dark.
She promised to never let go…But who could love a murderer?
“I…” I gulped, rubbing my chest to soothe the burn.
“I know you must hate me now.
I know I don’t deserve you.
You deserve a simple—” I took a deep breath, to even think of her being with another man made my blood boil, “—man.
A simple man with a simple life.
Not a man with a tainted past.
Not a man who killed his father and was a drug addict.
But…I love you, Rosebud.”
I clenched my fists, trying my best not to pull her into the cage of my arms and lock her there forever.
So she couldn’t leave me.
I wouldn’t survive without her.
“I’m too selfish to let you go.
I can’t function without you.
I can’t…”
A pair of petite arms wrapped around my torso from behind.
I felt her pressing her cheek against my back.
“I’ll not leave even if you want me to.
I can never,” she said.
As if a sudden light lightening my dark insides, the pain in my chest disappeared.
Replaced a feeling of desperation to hear those words again.
I turned around, cupping her cheeks.
“You-you won’t leave me?
You don’t hate me?”
She shook her head.
Her beautiful eyes watched me with the same love and adoration they had for years.
Not a trace of hate was there as I expected.
“Never.
I can never hate you.
Even if you were wrong, I couldn’t hate you.
I’d always love you.”
I frowned in confusion.
“I know I can’t let you go, but aren’t you disgusted with me?
I…” I gritted my teeth.
“I’m a murderer.
A monster, Emerald.
You don’t need to lie to me not to upset me.
I can understand if you think you need time—“
“You’re not a monster.”
She cut me off, her voice was firm.
“Neither are you a murderer.”
I shook my head.
“Maybe you didn’t hear what I said.
I killed him, Emerald.
His blood was on my hands.”
“It wasn’t your fault.
You didn’t kill him.
It was an accident,” she said softly.
Taking my hands, she made me sit on the couch and placed herself on my lap.
My arms pulled her closer against me instinctively.
“I can understand your dilemma, Ace.
No matter how he was, he was your father.
And because of that incident, you feel guilty for his death.
But it’s not your fault, baby.
It wasn’t your fault he died.
It was an unfortunate accident.
You were just trying to help your mother.”
I stared at her, utterly appalled.
I just told this woman my darkest past, my crime, the deed I have been blaming myself for years, and she wasn’t still repulsed by me.
Instead, she was looking into my eyes, cupping my cheeks and telling me I wasn’t at fault.
I gulped the thickness of my throat, clutching her tightly.
“You really don’t hate me?
You—you aren’t disgusted by me?”
She placed a delicate kiss on my forehead before peering into my soul.
“Why would I if it wasn’t your fault?
I can never hate you for the crime you never did.
I can never feel disgusted by a man who had enough courage to stand before a gun for his mother.
And you were only seventeen then.
I don’t think anyone at that age has the amount of bravery you showed that night.
If you hadn’t done that, you would have lost your mother to that monster.
But you stopped it from happening.
You saved her.”
Letting out a breath, I pulled her into me, placing my head in the crook of her neck.
She ran her soft hands through my locks as I took a lungful of her sweet scent.
She didn’t know what she had said.
She didn’t know what favor she had done to me by saying those words.
The fear of her leaving me was lesser in my heart now.
My muscles relaxed as the pain in my chest slowly dissipated.
“You won’t leave me,” I whispered, more to myself than to her.
I needed to hear it out loud.
Her hug tightened.
“Never.”
I could feel the storm inside me calming.
She won’t leave me.
My Rosebud will always be with me, in my arms.
I breathed her in again, desperately held her against me tightly.
And she didn’t complain.
“Stop punishing yourself for the accident that happened years ago, baby,” she murmured, rubbing my back soothingly.
“I know what happened was unfortunate, but stop blaming yourself for that.
I know you didn’t want to tell me about your past because you thought I’d hate you.
Because you thought you were a murderer, you were guilty.
But you’re not.
You were just trying to snatch that gun from him so he couldn’t hurt your mom.
But he didn’t let you.
He was in a trance of anger and hatred.
If you hadn’t stepped between him and your mom, he would’ve killed her.”
My jaw clenched at the possibility.
“It was his insistence not to leave the gun.
So how was that your fault?”
“I know what I did, I did it for Mom.
But that memory, Rosebud, it doesn’t leave me alone.
His blood on my hands, the way his lifeless eyes stared at me after…” I clenched my fists as recollection of that night flashed over my eyes.
“The thought that maybe if I handled things differently, maybe if I could do something else other than fighting him, he would be alive, our wrestling wouldn’t cause the trigger to go off.
I wouldn’t have to take the burden of his death on my shoulders for years.”
“Then don’t.”
Pulling away slightly, she cupped my cheek.
“You don’t need to take the burden, Ace.
You couldn’t have done anything else at that moment.
No one could do anything at that moment.
You did what you felt right.
Tell me one thing.”
She made me look at her turquoise eyes.
“Would you do it again?
Would you fight him again to save your mom if you could go back in your past?”
“Yes,” I replied, without hesitating.
A soft smile tugged at her lips.
“That means you weren’t wrong.
You did what was right.
You saved your mother from your father.
Anyone who loved their mother would do that same thing you did.
That doesn’t make you a murderer.
It wasn’t your fault.
It was his fault that he didn’t let go of the gun.
He just was too blinded by his fury.
You didn’t kill him, Ace.
You saved your mom.”
I just stared at her.
How did I get so lucky to have her in my life?
I was thinking she would leave me once she knew everything.
And here she was, providing light and warmth to my darkness.
She was my sun keeping the demons of my past away.
Pain flashed through her eyes as she leaned in and wiped my cheek with her thumb.
A tear I didn’t realize slipped from my eye.