Filed To Story: In the Shadow of the Past Luna (Lily & James)
Uuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh. him?
I have fantasized about finding my mate since I was young, perhaps as early as 8 or 9 years old. I think all werewolves do, do they not? At least the females?
For me, I thought finding my mate would mean finding someone who would love me, and who would treat me as though I was important. I longed for that… especially after my world was flipped upside down after Stephanie died.
Until this morning, I could only imagine what it would feel like to be loved and appreciated by a mate.
Now, thanks to the short encounter with James, it is no longer something that I have to imagine. I now know very well what it feels like to be looked at with love, and what it feels like to be treated as though you are important and valuable.
It is cruel twist of fate that I now know what it feels like, because the look in James‘ eyes was not for me;
James thought he was looking at my sister. How I wish that I had never seen the look of love in James‘
eyes. After all, if I had not seen the look in his eyes, I would not know what I lost when he realized who I really was.
Meanwhile, do not even get me started on that kiss. It was my first kiss… not in six years but ever. I desperately wish that I did not know how good it felt to kiss James. Then my body would not be craving him right now, begging for me to turn around, run back to him, and wrap myself in his arms.
Just the fact that my body craves James right now makes me angry. No, not just angry. I feel angry, bitter, and thirsty for revenge. I also feel desperate to prove to James, my parents, and everyone else in
I do not like feeling this way. I would almost prefer the heartache over the anger.
Of course, it may not matter that much. I am unlikely to get revenge any time soon. One of the biggest barriers to getting revenge and proving everyone wrong is that no one believes that I am me.
I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that so many pack members, including my own f—-ng mate, have not recognized me. I was just here for Stephanie’s birthday memorials around nine months ago.
Why did I not have these troubles back then? Surely I have not changed that much in nine months.
“You have changed more than you realize, Lily. It is not so much how you look, but how you carry yourself. Nine months ago, you looked down and did not dare to look anyone in the eye. You dressed in baggier clothing. You acted timid and scared. You carry yourself different now because you are much stronger. You may not realize it, but it impacts how the wolves around you perceive you.”
“Whoa — What are you doing listening to my internal thoughts, Rose? You know that it creeps me out when you do that, especially without telling me. Common courtesy is that we do not listen to one.
another’s thoughts without permission.”
“I know and I am sorry, Lily, but after the letter you wrote to the Moon Goddess and what happened with James back there, I was worried about you. You have made so much progress since we went to medical school in Red Rock, I do not want to see you begin to doubt yourself again. You are a wonderful human and I am lucky that the Moon Goddess decided to pair us together.”
I wipe a tear from my eye. It is the first one that I have let fall since I realized that James was my mate.
“I do not feel strong anymore, Rose. I am really sorry. I want to be strong for you, but I think the Moon Goddess made a bunch of mistakes when it comes to me.”
“The Moon Goddess does not make mistakes, Lily,”
Rose responds reassuringly.
“My own mate does not want me!”
I exclaim. “All he wants is Stephanie. Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie. Everywhere I turn in this pack, it is all about Stephanie. She was my sister, and I loved her, but I cannot help but want people to forget about her and move on. And every time I feel that way, I feel
I guilty. Good people do not wish the dead to be forgotten, do they? Maybe I am not a good person, Rose. Maybe that is why all of this is happening to us.”
Rose is silent for a minute, as though she is taking in my words.
“Maybe we should leave this pack. For good this time,”
Rose offers.
I stop walking when she says that. “What?”
“I mean it, Lily. Listen to you. We have been in this pack for less than 12 hours and you are already. doubting yourself again. This is not who you are when you are at Red Rock, and it is not who I want you to be anywhere.”
“I thought you wanted to fight for our mate? And fight for the mate bond with James? You told Luke that you would give him time to fix it.”
“I am re-thinking that. I want to fight for you more. I NEED to fight for you more. This place is not healthy for you, at least not right now. Maybe one day we can come back. But I am starting to realize that we cannot stay here.”
“Are you proposing that we reject James?”
I ask, surprised.
“No. At least not yet. I am just suggesting that we move, permanently, and we stop coming back for these memorials. Maybe next year we should actually celebrate our birthday. You will be 21 next year.
That is a huge birthday in the human world. We can go out to a human bar and have some fun.”
For a moment, Rose’s idea starts to really appeal to me. But then I remember two things. First, we are under an alpha order to return for every one of Stephanie’s memorials. Second, James has threatened to sleep with other she-wolves. If we do not stay and fight for him, and we do not reject him, the betrayal pains could eventually kill us.
“Do not worry about either of those things,”
Rose tells me. “You cannot alpha order someone who is not a member of your pack. Once we reject the pack, we will be immune to alpha orders.
“You are immune to alpha orders? Why have you not told me that before?”
“Surprise? I never told you because it was not really relevant. But now it is. I do not want you to worry about Alpha Randall. If you want to leave the pack and never return, we will leave the pack and never return.
“What about the betrayal pains? How are we going to deal with those?”
“I will take those on so that you do not feel them. You may feel some discomfort, but I will take on the pain.”
gasp through the link. “Rose, I cannot let you do that! You heard what they taught us about betrayal pains in school. If a wolf does not share the pain with its human, the wolf will die much faster than if the human and wolf share the pains. I cannot let you die! I need you!”
“Lily, Lily, Lily, calm down. Yes, betrayal pains can kill most wolves. But I am not most wolves. I am different. You know that. If it ever gets to be too much for me, I will let you know and we can come back and reject that a&&hole. In the meantime, let me do this. For you and for me.”
I sigh. Rose’s plan sounds like it will work, but I once again have that pain in my stomach telling me it may be too good to be true. But at this point, what more do I have to lose?
Unfortunately, I knew as soon as I asked myself that, that those would be my famous last words.
(James POV)
I felt strangely energized as I arrived back at the pack house. Luke was moping in the back of my head, but he was leaving me be. His absence -or rather, his lack of endlessly badgering me- gave me plenty of time to think about how I could use the mate bond to exact the perfect revenge on the Little Brat. It also gave me the opportunity to say a silent prayer to Stephanie, letting her know that I had not forgotten her and I that I would continue to make sure that all those involved in her death would pay. 1
After I entered the packhouse, it took me a while to find an Omega proficient in hair cutting. Thankfully, I not only found one, but I also found one of the best ones. She agreed to meet me in room in 30 minutes, which gave me just enough time for a proper shave and shower.
When I got to my room, I was annoyed to find Sheila still there. Sheila was Stephanie’s best friend while Stephanie was alive, and she and I have…. an arrangement. I have… arrangements… with three or four she -wolves who take turns spending the night in my bedroom. They are all aware of each other, and under strict orders to not discuss what happens inside.
I started to lecture Sheila about her failure to comply with the rules that she previously agreed to, including the rule that all she-wolves must leave the alpha suite no later than 7 am each morning without- exception. However, part-way through the lecture, I remembered that the Little Brat always seems uncomfortable and unhappy when Sheila is around. That gave me a great idea, and I almost kicked myself for not thinking of it earlier.
Instead of finishing the lecture, I switched gears. I told Sheila to make sure that she dressed extra nice for for today’s ceremonies. I also told her to meet me at the back of the first event hall, because I would arrange special seating for her. Sheila did not ask any questions about what was going on or what exactly I had in mind; instead, she just left with her robe and a smile.
Nick walked in after my haircut, just as I was putting on my black suit. He pretended to do a double take, even asking if he was in the right room.
“Wow. You look nice. Most put together I have seen you look in years. What has gotten into you, Man? I was expecting to walk in here, and have to force the vodka bottle out of your hand and shove you out of bed.”
In response, I glared at him. “You knew.”
Nick groaned. “About the meeting this morning? I did not know ahead of time, but I know now. They told me afterwards. I want you to know, James, that I told them it was a horrible idea. And I am not going to accept the alpha position, even if you do not take a chosen mate. I have never wanted that.”
I sigh. A part of me wants to be angry at him for being related to the Little Brat and her parents, but he is also related to Stephanie. Plus, I cannot ignore the sincerity in his voice. He is telling the truth: he did not know about the ultimatum ahead of time and he warned them it was a bad idea when he found out about it.
fine. It is not going to come to that. I will be taking over as alpha as planned.”
Nick looked at me confused. “What do you mean? You aren’t seriously going to give up your chance for a second chance mate and take a chosen mate… are you?”
When Nick mentions the concept of a second chance mate, Luke sends me a vision of the Little Brat at the waterfall this morning… and a memory of what it felt like to kiss her.
Urgh.
My heart suddenly feels heavy. For all her faults, I cannot deny that the Little Brat knows how to kiss.
I try to remind myself (and Luke) that the Little Brat is a good kisser because she has had a lot of practice, and that the Little Brat’s kissing practice is the reason that Stephanie is dead.
“I do not care about my second chance mate,”
I say firmly.
“Are you trying to convince Nick or yourself?”
Luke asks me in the link.
New Book: Veiled Desires of the Alpha King Novel
Dayson was the alpha of the largest pack in North America. Powerful figures from other packs sought to offer gorgeous girls as potential mates for Dayson. He steadfastly rejected these advances, he was not a pawn to be manipulated. But eventually there came a mysterious girl he could hardly say No. Who was she?