Chapter 85 – Sorry Alpha I Am Wolfless Novel

Filed To Story: Sorry Alpha I Am Wolfless Novel

Riviana

I thought with Joaquin going back to his usual schedule on Monday, that I should do something too. Yeah, I would be starting classes soon, but they were all online and from what I had been told about them, I could study on my schedule most of the time. So, that left me with plenty of time to still do some Luna work.

I wanted to go see Lila so we could discuss the pack daycare idea I had. She seemed to love it when we talked about it last week. She hadn’t been at breakfast today, which was a rushed one with Joaquin needing to leave early. But thankfully, it wasn’t awkward, unless you counted the fact that when I looked at him, I subconsciously tried to see through his clothes so I could see his chest underneath. He had been curious as to why I blushed randomly, but I think I played it off pretty well.

Lila was in her room when I knocked on her door.

“Come in.” She invited me. I pushed the door open and remembered the first time I had come here, when I had found her sitting in the chair near the window. The sun shining on her making her glow like an angel, or a ghost.

“Hi Riviana, how is your morning?” She asked me. It was closer to noon, so the morning was almost over now. I saw that Lila was once again sitting in the chair she had been in last time, the curtains open, sun shining just like last time. The only difference was that she was awake. But I had such a strong memory of when I had seen her last time, the emotions I had felt that day. I remember how I was pleading for her to be able to see Joaquin, and to be there for him in the ways that I couldn’t be.

“Is everything alright?” She worried.

“Yeah, I was just remembering the last time I was here.” I smiled at her sadly.

“What do you mean?”

“When you were still, you know?” I replied sheepishly.

“I didn’t know you came to visit me when I was lost.” She smiled happily. “You should have told me, that makes me happy.”

“It was only once. I had only been here for a short time when you woke up. I’m glad you did too, Joaquin needed you.”

“I think Joaquin needs you more than me.” She offered, but I just shook my head in refusal of her words.

“He would much rather have you or someone else there to help him.” I denied sadly.

“Why do you think that?” Lila seemed upset.

“It’s what I told you when I came to see you that day too.” I looked at her and tried to smile, but I couldn’t force the motion to make it happen.

“When I came here, while you were ‘lost’ I said that I wished you were here to support him, to give him whatever it was he needed that I lacked. And that I wished you could see the wonderful man he had become.”

“I remember that.” Her voice was full of awe, shock covered her face.

“What? How do you remember that?”

“I don’t know. I remember that I was lost in the dark somewhere. I had gotten lost the night my husband died. I remember that night clearly. I remember going with him, his beta, my husband’s brother and his mate, and my cousin Steven, and some other pack members. It wasn’t supposed to be a fight. We had been planning to sign a treaty between our packs, but when we got there, it was an ambush. I remember watching my husband die in front of me, then getting hit in the head by something really hard. The next thing I knew I was walking in the darkness. There was never any relief from that darkness.”

“So, you weren’t really catatonic?” I was shocked, what had really happened to her?

“I don’t know what to call what happened to me. I know that once in a while I would hear things. I heard Joaquin’s voice. Only his voice for so long. He would tell me what was going on in his life. Sometimes he would talk about things that were good with a voice full of pride. Other times he might vent angrily. Often, he would tell me what he couldn’t tell others, his voice full of the tears he probably never shed.”

“I’m sure you were his solace in this crazy life he leads.” I gave her a comforting smile as I walked closer to her and took her hand.

“I hope I was.” She smiled as she looked at my hand. “But you know, I remember your touch as well. I remember when I heard your voice, I felt someone touch my hand. I looked down toward my hand, or where I knew it would be in the darkness, and what I saw then was a thin white line attached to my palm. It was the first thing I had seen in that darkness, ever.”

“What was it?” I wondered.

“It was you, Riviana. It was you guiding me back. You wanted me to come save my son. You begged me to come back, you took my hand and guided me home.” Lila was crying now, tears silently flowed down her cheeks.

“I don’t understand, Lila. How could I do that? How could I guide you back?”

“You’re our Luna.” She told me as if that explained it all.

“That doesn’t mean I should be able to do something like that.”

“But you’re special. Joaquin has told me so as well. He has said how you’re not like the others.”

“Yeah, because I don’t have a wolf, not because I’m someone that can do something like that.” I vehemently denied.

“Are you sure about that?” She asked me with a confident smile. “I told you when I first woke, I knew your voice. That’s because I kept hearing your words the entire time that I followed that light back to my consciousness. I followed you, Riviana. You brought me home because you’re special.”

Lila’s words shocked me to my core. I stood there frozen while her hand slipped from mine and I stared at nothing. A buzzing sound started in the back of my head, drowning out all other sounds. I vaguely registered Lila standing in a rush with a worried look.

“Ri-vi” I heard her words, but they were chopped. “Are…..k?” I still couldn’t make out what she was saying to me. I felt her hands on my shoulders before I fell into a chair.

Everything that she was saying. Everything that had happened to me. The time in the woods when I could smell the warlocks and Joaquin couldn’t. When I could see them somehow and he couldn’t. How I never got a wolf like everyone else. All the things that marked me as different from everyone else, it was all coming back to me at once.

If I didn’t have the clear indicators of being part of the pack. Part wolf at least. The hearing and the extra senses. The strength and speed. Having to obey the alpha’s commands. Then there’s being mated to a wolf. If it wasn’t for all of these, I would think I wasn’t part of the pack at all, that I should be exiled, that I didn’t belong here.

But what exactly am I? Where exactly do I belong? Who am I really? These are things I wanted answered but was never likely to find out.

---