Filed To Story: The Perfect Spiral Book PDF Free by Ashley Constantine
“I’m done crying over him. He never loved me. I was just an object to him. Like most guys. I was going to marry Andy, but I think she’s going to marry Kyle… so that’s gone out the window.”
I laughed to myself, feeling his gaze on me as I kept my eyes on the beach. I traced a finger down the side of the cup sitting on my knees, following the line of dried hot chocolate.
The sound of waves crashing in the distance reminded me of how much I missed my granddad.
“You’ll find someone to marry, baby doll, trust me. Any guy would be lucky to have you as a girlfriend and wife.”
“Pfft, I’ll just marry Adam and become a cougar. I just don’t care anymore. And now I get so much more attention from guys. I’m so awkward, it’s usually Andy who gets the attention.”
“You’ve always been awkward with guys, nothing new there. You just didn’t have any… practice.”
“Thanks to you, spreading rumors about me and making jokes about the way I looked. I already had my own father telling me that I didn’t need another person to confirm that I was in fact ugly and disgusting.”
“Hey-” he said softly, pulling my chin around so I was looking up at him. “I never spread rumors about you, but I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I just-
“None of the guys in high school deserved to have you, and believe me, a lot of them wanted you. As for your father, he’s not coming anywhere near you. I won’t let him.
“But man, was I really that mean in high school?” He winced at my honesty.
“No guys wanted me in high school, Knox. Who would want the quiet, nerdy tomboy who got stabbed by her own father and whose mouth got her into so much trouble?
“Come on. And yes, you were that bad in high school. Did you know about the girls?”
“Well, I always liked nerdy girls. I actually find them quite sexy!” I rolled my eyes and looked back at the beach. “What girls?”
“See! You were too busy focusing on the guys you all had no idea about the girls….”
“What did they do?” He abruptly asked, sitting up straighter in the seat.
“It’s in the past now, it doesn’t matter.”
“Tell me, Alex!” He demanded. I sighed and looked at him, contemplating whether to tell him or not. The seconds ticked by, and I could feel the anger rising in the body beside me.
“Fine, you remember the time when you couldn’t find me one night and Tori told you all that I was at a sleepover at her house for the girls in our year?”
“Yeah…?”
“Well, I wasn’t there. I don’t even think there was one.”
“There was… never mind. Where were you?”
“Well… they texted me from Hannah’s phone saying I was to meet her in the toilets when school was finished…”
“Yeah…”
“Well, they locked me in there the whole night and took my phone and put it in my locker. So I couldn’t message anyone, but it wouldn’t have been useful because it was on twenty-three percent when they locked me in….”
“Fuck… are you kidding me? Why didn’t you tell me? Or Kyle? A side note though, only you would remember exactly what percentage your phone was on.”
“I just wanted to leave it and not talk to anyone about it. My confidence got lower and lower, and I stopped talking to you and Kyle because you were friends with her.
“When I knew she’d be in our house, I wouldn’t come home until she left. Hannah was the only one who knew about it, not even my mom knows about it…”
“Jesus, Alex, I-I don’t know what to say,” he stammers, his free hand raking through his hair and across his face in disbelief.
“I cried every night during senior year. She told me I couldn’t go to prom because she thought someone from your group would ask me. Not that it appealed to me anyway, it wasn’t my thing. So she told all the girls I had a drug problem, that I was fat, and a tag-along to your group. So I started to take appetite suppressants, starve myself, and workout like crazy and that’s when-“
“-you collapsed. Fuck, she almost killed you! You scared me so much that day, Alex.”
“Honestly, I was more annoyed at myself that I woke up. I wish I hadn’t. When the whole thing happened the night of prom with me and my dad, none of the girls would talk to me. They said I ‘ruined their chances of being with top athletes and models’. I felt bad enough that I ruined everyone’s night, the only person who noticed me crumbling was Pop. He saved me from myself. I was so close so many times, but he always knew and helped me. That’s why I used to be so angry with you, I thought you were in on all of it. It made me not trust people, I didn’t even trust my own family for a while, making me guarded. I’m still a guarded person, I have to be. I’ve never let people in easily because of all of this. Well, some people I’ve let in, but it’s been rare.”
Feeling my shoulders slump down and feeling so small, it was strange talking so small, it was strange talking about this, but it was even stranger talking about this with Knox.
“God, Alex… you never ruined anything, you couldn’t. You always made everything. Fuck! How was I so blind?” I turn to face him and I see tears streaming down his face.
Oh my god, he’s crying. Why is he crying? I feel so bad now.
“Why are you crying? Don’t cry! It was hard to see, Knox, I don’t blame you. Hannah only knew and I begged her not to tell anyone, it would’ve made it worse.”
I hugged him closer to me by his waist and he stiffened at my touch but relaxed soon after, wrapping his own arms around me.
“Worse? How could she have made it worse, Alex?”
“Knox, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now, I would be… in a grave somewhere. I know for a fact I wouldn’t have been able to take much more from them. Do you know how much I hated myself? I would cry myself to sleep every night, thinking what I would’ve been like if I wasn’t around. I would write notes to everybody in preparation. Look, I’m not throwing myself a pity party, I’ve done that. I just sometimes wish I wasn’t here, you know?” I lean back to look up at him. His cheeks were still wet and his eyes were bloodshot.
“No, Alex, I don’t know and neither should you. Please never talk like this again. It destroyed me to see you that time when you had that nightmare at home, and it’s killing me to hear you talk like this. I don’t know who I would be if I had never met you. Jesus, Alex, I’m so sorry I never knew. If I had known, I wouldn’t have been so rude and mean to you.”
“I’m alright now, it feels good to get it off my chest. Honestly, I thought you would’ve been the last person I’d share this with. Who’d have thought I’d be having a heart-to-heart with you?”
I laugh heartily, trying to lighten the situation, and it’s working. He sends me his gorgeous smile through teary eyes, which I was grateful for.
“To be honest, I enjoyed being around you sometimes. You were the only person who had decent comebacks, you kept it entertaining for me,” making us both laugh once more.
We sit there smiling at each other for a while, it’s not uncomfortable. His smile gets wider and wider as the time goes on, as does mine.
“What?” I ask him.
“You always had such a beautiful smile, Alex.” My eyes grow wide at his compliment. I had shock all over my face, I couldn’t even believe he knew the word beautiful.
“Seriously? Who are you and what have you done with Knox?”
He pulls me close to him and I wipe his tears away, realizing how close we are to each other. We look at each other once more with smiles on our faces, I’m still wiping his cheeks softly.
New Book: Returned To Make Them Pay
On her wedding anniversary, Alicia is drugged and stumbles into the wrong room—straight into the arms of the powerful Caden Ward, a man rumored never to touch women. Their night of passion shocks even him, especially when he discovers she’s still a virgin after two years of marriage to Joshua Yates.