Filed To Story: In the Shadow of the Past Luna (Lily & James)
“James…..”
“Whatever. Now, if the two of you do not mind, I am going to bed. I did not sleep much last night. The phone sex with Mary Beth took hours.”
The e two of of them ignored my phone sex comment. Apparently, they did not care about my sex life as much now that they were getting what they wanted. Margie stepped out of my way, as did my mother. As I headed up the stairs, I heard Margie excitedly tell my mother how happy she was to let Sheila know that the wedding was back “on.”
As soon as I entered the alpha suite, I noticed two things: 1) my father was not there; and 2) replacement pictures of Stephanie had already been hung up. I went to the kitchen and fumbled through a junk drawer looking for a pink highlighter. Unfortunately, I came up empty. I then checked my room, my parents’ room, and the guest rooms. Finally, tucked in one of my old school bags that had been packed away in a closet and forgotten years ago, I found what I was looking for. Armed and dangerous, I made my way back to the living room. I quickly added pink squares to each and I every one of Stephanie’s pictures. Once done, I took a moment to step back and appreciate my handiwork. I realized that Dr. Miller was right; despite being subtle, the squares somehow made the intolerable tolerable. Satisfied, I headed to my bedroom. I wanted to shower, change, and hopefully get a little rest before I started working on my battle plans. As I emptied my pockets, I pulled out my phone and remembered that I had turned it off right after I texted Lily. “Do you remember what you texted her?”
Luke asked me in an amused tone. “What’s with the tone, Wolf?”
I taunted him back. “I said nothing more than what we have both been thinking.”
“Uh-huh.”
“What?”
“Oh, nothing. I just find it amusing how lovey-dovey my human half gets when he is angry and tired.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”
Luke chuckled. “If it is so ‘whatever, why don’t you turn the phone on and see if she responded?”
I felt my heart sk ip a beat. What if she did? What if she didn’t? “Only one way to find out, a&&hole. Turn the phone on. I want to talk to my mate.”
Ten minutes later, after nervously pacing back and forth for a while, Luke finally convinced me to turn the phone on. I stared at it and waited. At first, nothing happened. But then I heard the second most wonderful sound in the world: the sound of an incoming text. I looked. down. Lily: “Sure, let’s talk by phone tomorrow. Can I call you? If so, what time is best?”
I smiled like a teenage schoolboy. No, it was not a proclamation of love. But it was something. With Luke’s urging, I quickly texted back. Me: “Any chance you are free now? I would love to hear your voice.”
I waited for a few minutes, but she did not call. I decided that I should go ahead and shower so that I did not drive myself crazy waiting. Just as I was warming up the water, my phone rang.
(Lily POV) I meant it when I said that today would be a long day. I am meeting with the Wolf Packers’ doctor from 12 to 3 this afternoon, and then I am working at the girls’ home from 5 to 11 tonight. In between, I need to go grocery shopping, eat, and get a little bit of laundry done. Given my schedule, I felt a little guilty for telling James I could talk to him today; I was unsure if I would actually have time. Thankfully, I was happy (and nervous) when I got his text message around 10 am asking if now was a good time to talk. Rose wanted me to call James right then and there, but first I needed to have another mini panic attack. It took Rose about five minutes to calm me down, but once she did, I was totally fine. So, fine, in fact, that I quickly dialed James’ phone number before I could change my mind again. “Hello?”
“Hi, James.”
“Hi, Lily.”
I could practically feel James smiling through the phone. It made me smile too. “How are you?”
James asked. “I am doing really good. Plus or minus a few panic attacks. Are you okay? I was worried when I read your messages last night.”
“You were? Why?”
“I don’t know. They just seemed… intense.”
“Yeah, that’s probably fair. It has been a really long 24 hours.”
“What happened?”
“Eh, just the typical. Found out that I have been surrounded by a bunch of psychotic werewolves most of my life. Found out some more about the hell you went through here. Oh, and apparently I knocked up Sheila.”
I winced at the sound of Shejla’s name. “Sheila, really? Hmmmm.”
“Yeah. But don’t worry; apparently I knocked up Joey’s 63-year-old cousin too.”
“Wow. That does sound like a lot. At this point you might as well go for your own basketball team.”
James laughed. “That is exactly what I said this morning.”
“Great minds. There was a brief moment of silence. “What did you mean when you said you had panic attacks?”
James asked. “Oh, I get them every now and then. No big deal. Rose usually gets me through them.”
“What triggers them?”
“Various things. Usually it is me worrying and over-thinking things.”
“Like what?”
“Well, last night, this werewolf I know thought it would be a really good idea to tell me ‘I love you’ by text.”
“Oh. About that “Do you want to take it back?”
My heart raced a little bit as I asked the question. I regretted asking it as soon as it left my mouth, “No. Not even a little bit.”
I was surprised by the relief I felt by his answer. “But?”
I asked. I knew there had to be a “but.”
“But I do not expect you to feel the same way. Not now. Not yet. Not after everything.”
“Told you,”
Rose linked. “Thank you for understanding. Ineed time to heal, James. I am really messed up. And I think you need time, too.”
There was a long stretch of silence. “Lily, I need to tell you something,”
James said seriously. “I want you to hear it from me first, so that you do not misunderstand.”
The relief I felt before went away. Now I felt scared. “Did you knock up Nick, too? I am still getting used to being in the shadow of my sister. I don’t know if I could live under Nick’s too,”
I joked. “Never say that again, Lily,”
James said, suddenly sounding angry. “Say what? I was just trying to make a joke.”
Now I felt confused. Was he not joking about knocking up a 63-year-old just a few minutes ago? Why is he being sensitive about this now? “I mean it, Lily. Never say that again.”
“Okay… okay…. I promise to never again accuse you of sleeping with my brother. Happy?”
“No, Lily.”
I heard James take a deep breath. “I meant the part about your sister. I never want to hear you say, ever again, that you are ‘getting used to’ living in Stephanie’s shadow. That may have been your past, but I will be d&&ned if that is your present or your future. Stephanie was not even a quarter of the she- wolf that you are. I am sorry that I did not see that until it was too late.”
Wow. I did not expect that. I wiped a single tear from my eye. “What… what did you want to tell me, James?”
James sighed. “Promise me that you will hear me out completely before you react okay?”
I did not say anything. I still felt scared. “Lily, please. I need to tell you this, but I also need you to promise me that you will not get angry or panic until I am completely done explaining. Okay?”
“Promise him, Lily,”
Rose linked. “Whatever this is, it is important.”
“O-okay. I promise.
(James POV)
My conversation with Lily this morning went a very different direction than I thought it would go when I asked to talk to her. In my head, I had imagined another light-hearted conversation about the weather, sports, and anything else she wanted to talk about. I also imagined that I would feel happy by the end of the call, simply because I had gotten to hear her voice.
The moment that Lily mentioned her panic attacks and told me that she was worried about me, I knew our conversation was not going to meet my expectations. It was going to exceed them.
That sounds strange, I know.
But I appreciate that there is nothing fake or superficial about talking with Lily. She is who she is. Perfectly imperfect. Sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes panicked. But always just her.
When Lily asked me at the beginning of our conversation if I was okay, it occurred to me that she might be the first wolf in my life that had ever asked me that question and actually, genuinely wanted to know the answer.
Even after Stephanie died and wolves would ask me how I was doing or how I was coping they never REALLY wanted to know. What they really wanted was to fulfill their moral duty to ask, or to find out if I was ready to do whatever task or thing that they were interested in me doing. I cannot remember event my parents asking me how I was in a genuine way.
Now, I admit that I am feeling rather/jaded right now given recent revelations, so it is possible that my brain is tuning some of that genuine stuff out. But I really do not think so. And even if I am, I know beyond any doubt that even if someone may have cared before- they have not cared with of heart that Lily had when she asked.
with the pureness
Because Lily’s heart is so pure, I feel an almost heightened duty to protect her. Unfortunately, as she herself likes to point out, right now that means giving her the space that she needs to heal. Even if that means she is in that a&&hole Brady’s pack as she does so.
I
New Book: Veiled Desires of the Alpha King Novel
Dayson was the alpha of the largest pack in North America. Powerful figures from other packs sought to offer gorgeous girls as potential mates for Dayson. He steadfastly rejected these advances, he was not a pawn to be manipulated. But eventually there came a mysterious girl he could hardly say No. Who was she?