Filed To Story: In the Shadow of the Past Luna (Lily & James)
he asked hopefully.
My face fell as I realized what I had accidentally implied. I got up from James’ lap and walked towards the fire again. “James, I-“
“Question 5. Will I see or talk to you after tonight?”
My heart started racing. I briefly considered exercising a veto, but I knew that would not be fair to either of us.
I felt myself on the verge of tears. Again. What is it about James that gets me this emotional all the time?
I looked at the fire, then at the ocean, and then at the security guards nearby. I also reached out to Rose. I wanted someone or something else to answer this question for me, because I did not want to.
But, of course, I had to.
“James, I have had a good time with you tonight. I can tell that you have changed, and I can tell that you regret the past. My heart desperately wants to give you a chance. If things were different, I probably would. But I am who I am, and you are who you are, and West Mountain Pack is what it is.”
James stood up and walked closer to me. I could tell tears were starting to well up in his eyes, too.
“What do you mean, Lily? What are you trying to say?”
“I mean that I have been hurt. And I am damaged. And no matter how much you regret your actions and how much you say sorry, a part of me will always be broken. You are not the only one to blame. There were a lot of things that happened at West Mountain Pack; I have not even told you about all of them.
Even if I wanted to go back there, I do not think it would be healthy for me to. The pack will never accept me as its luna, and I will never be able to get out from under the shadow of their love and mourning for
Stephanie.
And so where does that leave us? You are the future alpha of a pack that I do not think I can ever go back
Even if I wanted a future with you, James, I do not know how it would be possible.”
I watched as the tears started to fall down James’ cheeks. I reached up and wiped them from his eyes, even though tears were now actively falling from mine as well.
“Lily, please do not say that. Please. I will fix it. I will. Please. Just give me time.”
“James, this is not just about me. You deserve to move on, too. I am sure that you will find a second-
chance mate soon. And the two of you can have a relationship without all the baggage that a relationship between you and I would have.”
James wrapped his arms around me. “I do not want anyone else, Lily. I want you.”
I returned his hug, wrapping my arms around him as tightly as I could. Continuing to cry, I whispered, “I wish things could be different, James. I really do.”
Hi — I just wanted to write a quick note to clarify a few things and give you an idea of what to expect.
First, thank you to everyone who has supported this story with gems, comments, and just by reading it at all.
Second, this is NOT a multiple mate story.
Third, many of you have tried to predict who Lily will end up with. I love reading the guesses! Please know that I have purposely made it difficult to predict. It is not because I want to torture you or drag this out, but rather because the characters need to grow and evolve, especially given some of the trauma and manipulation that they have been working through. There will continue to be some bumps along the way, but I hope that it all makes sense in the end. I have definitely been dropping subtle hints here and there, but I hope at least a few of the bumps will surprise you.
Fourth, many of the characters have conflicting emotions and they seem to waver back and forth. That is on purpose, because that is reality. When it comes to love, trauma, and emotional subjects, human nature very rarely lets us have consistent perspectives on it, even in our own hearts and in the moment. Growth usually happens slowly over time, as we begin to reconcile the conflicts we are feeling.
Fifth, I am trying to update as quickly as I can. As an active reader myself, I know how frustrating it can be to have to wait for updates. I am going to continue to do daily updates until the story is done, which I hope to be by mid-November. I usually post the chapters as they are ready, so sometimes there will be a chapter in the morning and a chapter in the late evening or sometimes just one chapter per day. Believe me that I want the story done as much as you do, and I hope to use weekends to write extra chapters to get us to that finish line.
Finally, as you leave feedback, please know that although writing has become a recent hobby for me, I am anything but a professional.
(Lily POV)
James and I placed an indefinite “pause”
on our twenty-questions game. There were still plenty of questions that we both had, and we still had plenty to talk about, but somehow nothing seemed that important anymore.
We sat by the fire for another 45 minutes, enjoying the limited time that we had left together. A few times, I was tempted to tell him that I had changed my mind about our future, but I knew that I could not do that. At least not right now. As much as it hurt to let him go, I knew it would hurt more to let go of myself again.
Instead of any more serious topics, we spent our remaining time chatting about lighter subjects. I was surprised to find out that we had the same favorite human baseball team, and that our perspectives on some of the recent scandals impacting that team were pretty similar. We also talked about some of the dreams that James had as a little kid, before he realized his destiny had already been chosen for him through his birthright. I was amused to hear that he wanted to be in a rock n’ roll band, especially because he readily admitted that he cannot sing and has no musical talent. He had also dreamed of being an astronaut, a lawyer, an automobile mechanic, and -not surprising at all- a professional baseball player.
At one point in the discussion about our dreams, James had a sudden realization. Turning to me, he commented:
“You know, Lily, your destiny was chosen for you too. You were born to be a Luna. I wish more than anything that you still could be, but I guess the silver lining is that now you are free to become a doctor and follow any other dreams that you might have.”
I teared up again when he made that comment, so we quickly changed the subject to something happier, but it definitely stuck with me. Was James’ observation correct? In choosing not to be with James, was I choosing to ignore my Goddess-intended destiny? If so, was my choice selfish and short-sighted, or was it healthy and freeing?
I suppose only time would tell.
Eventually, I yawned, and we both knew that we needed to call it a night. I agreed to let James walk me back to my hotel room.
That ended up being one of two very big mistakes, both of which would cause a ripple effect of problems in the future.
“Where is Brady’s room?”
James asked as we got closer to mine.
“One floor up, why?”
“He did not get a room next to you or on your floor?”
“No, there are guards in the rooms all around me on this floor, but Brady wanted to be in the room directly above mine because there is a fire escape that connects the rooms. He also said something about being able to hear better through the venting system than through the walls. Why all the questions?”
Just then, we arrived at my room. Without thinking, I unlocked the door and opened it. That was the second big mistake that I made.
I watched as James immediately picked up on a scent and stormed past me into my room without asking. He went over to my bed and picked up the pillow that Brady had slept on the night before. My heart dropped as James turned to face me with rage in his eyes. I could tell he was struggling with Luke for control.
“I thought you said that you and Brady did not share a room,”
he said. He was not yelling at me, but the anger in his voice was unmistakable.
“Brady and I have our own rooms, James. I did not lie about that.”
And then the yelling started.
“THEN WHY DO I SMELL A MALE ALPHA WOLF IN YOUR ROOM, AND ON YOUR PILLOW?”
James’ eyes were now dark brown, which meant Luke had taken over control. I had never seen angry
Luke before.
I was trying to figure out how to answer honestly without upsetting him more, when Luke yelled again.
“THE ONLY MALE ALPHA WOLF AT THIS RESORT OTHER THAN ME IS BRADY. THIS IS BRADY’S SCENT,
IS IT NOT?”
I sighed. “Yes, but —“
“DID YOU SLEEP WITH HIM?”
“Luke, calm down.”
“ANSWER ME. DID YOU SLEEP WITH HIM?”
“No, Luke. I mean, yes, but not in the way that you think. We did not have sex. Please, give James control back. I will explain it to him.”
“YOU ARE MY MATE, NOT HIS!”
“Luke, please. Just let me talk to James again, okay?”
Posted by Admin-ad, Released on December 22, 2023
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