Filed To Story: In the Shadow of the Past Luna (Lily & James)
He chuckled and held out his hand. “Come on, my lady. We have a party to get you to.”
(Luna Jane POV)
My heart stopped when James asked about Lily’s birthday.
I was honestly relieved when Nick could not remember. In fact, I had to stop myself from reaching out and hugging him.
But then, when James demanded to see Lily’s pack file, my heart stopped again. I wish I had anticipated that he might want to look at it.
Randall and I went through Lily’s file two days after James was released from the hospital, so the look on
James’ face when he opened the file did not surprise me; I knew exactly what James was going to find when he opened it.
My primary hope now is that James does not put the pieces together the same way that his father and I did. Or at the very least, I hope that he does not put ALL of the pieces together.
If I had to do things all over again, I would. In retrospect, I wish that I had never allowed myself to become so jealous of Cecilia. I wish I had never acted on my jealousy. I wish I had never asked Margie to eat those strawberries. And I wish that I had never allowed Margie to convince me that James and
Stephanie were mates.
Unfortunately, I cannot change the past. The only thing that I can do at this point is try to salvage the future.
still talking
My son now knows my deepest, darkest secret. He is clearly angry and bitter about it, but at least he is alking to me. As things stand, there is hope that he will forgive me. However, I am scared about. what will happen if James discovers that I unintentionally steered him towards Stephanie and away from his actual mate. Will he understand and forgive me for that as well? Will he even believe me that I was blinded by guilt and not acting intentionally?
More importantly, if James figures out the full truth, will he still be willing to play the part of Stephanie’s grieving mate?
It might seem wrong for me to worry about James continuing to playing that part, but I do worry about it.
I have to.
The sad reality is that we cannot end Stephanie’s memorials simply because James and Nick now know. about Tyler. We also cannot tell the pack that we have been wrong all these years about Stephanie being mated to James and being his destined Luna.
Stephanie still lived great me,
In addition, we will lose credibility in front of the back if we confess that Stephanie and James were not fated mates. No, not just credibility… we will look like absolute fools.
On top of that, if we tell the pack the truth, Margie will find out as well. Finding out that James and
Stephanie were not fated mates will break Margie’s heart.
I can think of absolutely no reason that I need to break Margie’s heart right now. No matter who knows about my secret, Tyler and Stephanie are still dead, and my best friend is still dealing with the loss of two of her children,
If hosting grand memorial events for Stephanie twice a year makes Margie feel better, who am I to end them? If pretending that Stephanie was destined to be luna brings Margie peace, why would I take that away from her?
To be fair, I would probably feel differently if I believed that there was a reasonable chance of James and Lily actually being together. Despite my mistakes, I really do love my son and I want him to be
I happy. All wolves know that being with your fated mate is a wolf’s best chance at happiness.
However, in this particular situation, what is done is done. When James accepted Lily’s rejection, he essentially closed that chapter of his life. In order for James and Lily to be together now, so many things would have to happen:
1)-James would have to find Lily. That will not be easy, Randall and I have been looking for her since
James was released from the hospital.
2) -James would have to forgive Lily for her part in Stephanie’s death. It does not matter that Stephanie was not his fated mate, James still loved her. It took several months for Randall to forgive me for trying to poison Cecilia, and he and Cecilia dated for only a fraction of the time that Stephanie and James were together.
3)-Lily would have to forgive James. If Randall ever spoke to me the way that James spoke to Lily at the memorial, I would find it almost impossible to forgive him… and that is after spending 30 years of our lives together.
The odds of any of these three things happening is slim. The odds of all three of those things. happening? And before either of them receives a second chance mate? No. I am not a betting person, but in this case, I would bet big money that it is not going to happen.
Given that James is not going to be with Lily, I see no harm in focusing my attention on protecting our reputations and Margie’s feelings. In the eyes of the pack, Stephanie should remain James’ fated mate and the destined luna of the pack. In eleven months, James will take a chosen mate as previously
The only wrinkle I anticipate is that-if James puts the pieces together- it will become harder for me to convince him to stay the course. Thankfully, though, I am prepared to do whatever it takes to push him in the right direction.
This time, I will learn from my mistakes. I will not allow my son to second guess himself as to Lily and lose even more years of his life to grief and pain.
I admit that I was not thinking of my son, Margie, or the pack when I acted out 27 years ago, but I am a different person today. 2
(James POV)
Have you ever watched an explosion occur in slow-motion? It can be quite interesting. Contrary to popular belief, most explosions do not occur at one time or in a single blast. Rather, most explosions are a series of smaller blasts that trigger other smaller blasts that in turn trigger larger and larger blasts.
Because they are connected and occur close in time to one another, the combination of blasts are perceived as being one large and overwhelming occurrence.
Firework displays are perhaps the most visual and beautiful version of this. Firework shows usually start with the lighting of a single fuse or set of fuses, which trigger a coordinating series of explosions. Small explosions will start the show, sometimes fizzling out and creating the impression that nothing more will come. But then, as more fuses are lit and the show really gets going, the fireworks will become bigger, brighter, faster, and more jaw-dropping. 2
This, for lack of a better description, is essentially what happened when I began looking at Lily’s pack file.
This, for a lack of a better description, is how it felt when the life and world I thought I knew imploded.
Indeed, once my personal fireworks show began, all of the questions and memories that I had not been willing or ready to confront suddenly attacked me all at once. They were vicious and unrelenting, unwilling to let me take time to process or breathe. It was almost as though they were playing a childish game of hide-and-seek and wanted to taunt me: “Ready or not, here we come!”
I
The firework display began even before I opened Lily’s pack file, with my mother’s story about Tyler. In retrospect, I should have known that Tyler’s story was merely a warm-up for what was to come. However, surviving the past 26 years has required that I master the skill of denial, so perhaps I should not fault.
myself too much for missing it.
Either way, the second round of fireworks had a much slower start than the first round, but its resulting show was much, much grander. My mother lit the fuse for this second round unintentionally, when her eyes expressed relief that Nick could not remember Lily’s birthday. My mother probably thought I missed the look in her eyes, but I did not.
tl
Ironically, had it not been for my mother’s bizarre look, I may not have realized that Lily’s birthday held so much significance. In fact, had it not been for Dr. Hyder’s warning and my mother’s look, I may have. missed the firework show all together.
My mother’s subsequent attempt to discourage me from looking at Lily’s file only confirmed my suspicions. By discouraging me, she effectively lit the second fuse.
Given my mindsight, it only took me a few moments to realize that the contents of this file were going to
My mother must have seen the look in my eyes when I opened the file, because she immediately tried to take the file from me so that she could “help me”
find what I needed in it. That, of course, was Clue #3. 2
I was tired of dealing with my mother. Over her protests about “pack protocol”
and what my father would say, I decided to take Lily’s file and retreat to my room. I did not care about pack protocols; I needed.
bace to go through the file and process what it all meant.
Once in my room, I locked the door and began to study the file. At first glance, it seemed completely normal. It had the typical contents: statistical information; medical records; school records; and photographs of Lily taken at key points in her life. It even had a section that noted her mating with me and the date of the rejection.
One of the first things that jumped out at me about the file was that there far too many medical records for someone Lily’s age. The only medical records that are supposed go into a pack file are those documenting unusual birthmarks, severe or unusual injuries, and hospitalizations.
I quickly flipped through the records and noticed that Lily had been regularly treated for all sorts of serious injuries after she turned ten years old. There were a variety of explanations given for the injuries, but what was really unusual was that Lily was usually by herself seeking treatment. As far as I could tell, her parents never took her to the hospital and never picked her up. I would have to remember to ask Dr.
Miller about why that was later.
As I flipped through the medical records, a date on one of the records vaguely stood out to me, but I did not think much of it at first. I knew that the first date that I needed to pay attention to was Lily’s birthday.
–
Once I found it, I was taken aback. It sort of saddened me to learn that Stephanie died on Lily’s birthday. No wonder Lily’s family had stopped celebrating Lily’s birthday; they along with me and everyone else in the pack- had been far too busy honoring Stephanie every year to even think about Lily.
Was that the reason that Dr. Hyder told me that I should think about celebrating Lily’s birthday? Because he felt bad that we had all focused on Stephanie instead of Lily every year? No… I knew Dr. Hyder’s words meant more than that. He was not the sort of guy to care that much about a birthday.
So what was he trying to tell me?
Memories of Lily’s badly beaten and injured body flashed through my mind. Margie told us that Lily fell down the stairs. Given how badly injured she was, I would have expected Margie to get medical treatment for Lily. And that medical treatment would have been sort of thing that was documented in the file. Lily’s file made mention of the rejection, so it was up to date…. but where was the report about her fall down the stairs?
After I flipped through the medical information and the associated photographs for a second time, I still found nothing. If there was no record, that means a doctor was not called. Why the Goddess would Margie have not called for a doctor after her daughter fell down the stairs?
The fireworks in my head started slowly getting louder.
Wait… That morning. MORNING. I first saw Lily at the waterfall very early that morning.
New Book: Veiled Desires of the Alpha King Novel
Dayson was the alpha of the largest pack in North America. Powerful figures from other packs sought to offer gorgeous girls as potential mates for Dayson. He steadfastly rejected these advances, he was not a pawn to be manipulated. But eventually there came a mysterious girl he could hardly say No. Who was she?