Filed To Story: Destined Bond with My Forbidden Alpha Novel (Alpha Alexander & Selene)
“If there is anyone that has not made an offering, that still wishes to, now is the time,” she said. “The moon has risen, and soon we will light the flame.”
Several people in the crowd moved forward, making a line to place the final items on the pyre.
In her hidden corner up on the balcony, Selene swallowed. The shock of his birthday was finally subsiding, but the hollow feeling in her chest grew with each passing moment.
She had no offering. Nor any desire to place one. If she placed an offering, wouldn’t that be the same as admitting that she believed he was dead?
But her stomach twisted in knots. If he was gone, if he truly was dead… would he know she made no offering?
She had been a witness for the scout, staying with him all night to protect and guide his journey to the Goddess. Yet, now, as her husband’s pyre was built. As everyone offered their warmth and memories to comfort his final passage. Would she truly allow him to pass from this life without any piece of her? Of them?
Selene squeezed her eyes shut, her jaw clenched, and her fingers curled into tight fists. She took slow, deep breaths through her nose as she tried to calm the thundering of her heart.
It wasn’t fair.
He was still out there. She knew it. He had to be.
Selene swallowed down her doubt and guilt.
“I’m not giving up…” she whispered.
Gathering her will and all the hope that remained in her heart, she stood back up and moved to the balcony’s edge. She looked down at the crowd, watching as they made their offerings, placing them carefully on the pyre and sending their prayers.
When the last offerings had been made, Fiona made a few more comments, but Selene was hardly listening. Her eyes were on the torch that moved through the crowd making its way to the pyre.
It was brought down slowly, carefully. It touched just below the base of the gathered mementos and stacks of wood. From inside, the fires began to grow.
Selene took a slow deep breath through her nose as she looked at Fiona and Galen. Both tried so hard to keep a calm fa?ade in front of all these people, but she could see the heavy pain and sorrow they carried.
The crowd, which had been nearly silent as Fiona spoke, had now become a chorus of mournful wailing.
Selene’s eyes scanned the bodies and faces below. Among them, not one cry or anguished expression seemed false. Every person here came for Alexander. To honor him. To celebrate him. To mourn him.
She clenched her jaw and gripped hard on the railing as she turned her eyes back to stare at the growing flames that seemed to reflect the feeling inside her belly.
“I have only one thing that I can offer to your pyre, Alexander,” she whispered, “my anger.”
A hot tear rolled down her cheek. She took a deep breath.
“I am going to find you, someday…. And when I do…” her voice shook.
She paused, lowering her head and pursing her lips. She pushed out a slow, measured breath to keep from letting go of her emotions.
“When I do…” she continued, slowly lifting her eyes to look back at the fires now consuming each precious memory offered up.
She swallowed.
“I am going to make you relive this moment with me,” she said, her voice shaking with the pain she and all that witnessed the fire felt.
She clenched her jaw tightly and sniffled as the tears fell from her eyes.
“I am going to make you see how much pain you caused by leaving us all behind…” she hissed between gritted teeth. “By letting go of my hand… after you promised, we would always be together.”
Selene held tightly to the railing, gripping so hard that her knuckles were white, and her hands began to ache.
“I am so sorry….” Alexander whispered, standing just behind her.
He took a deep breath and moved closer to her so there was no more than an inch or two between their bodies. He put his hands over her shoulders, hesitating to touch her.
“You’re back now,” Selene whispered, still gripping the railing. Her eyes were still looking out at the crowd of mourners.
Though this was a memory she was sharing with him, she still felt the tight grip on her heart, the ache deep in her chest, and the hollow feeling in her stomach.
The fear that lived in the corner of her mind that he was gone forever, the anger that fueled her to keep searching. It was still there. It felt genuine and fresh.
Alexander lowered his hands onto her shoulders. The warmth of his touch immediately soothed her.
Selene let out a heavy breath and closed her eyes.
“I’m back now,” he whispered, leaning down beside her ear. “But I am sorry that I was ever gone. That you had to face all of this… that any of you did.”
Selene glanced to the stage, where she knew Alexander’s eyes must have been drawn. Galen had his arm around Fiona’s shoulders. They both looked at the fire. They looked more tired and worn down than she remembered.
“Selene…” Alexander whispered.
She heard the soft pain in his voice. She turned her head to look up at him. There were tears in his eyes.
He swallowed.
“I want to go home,” he said.
Selene swallowed and looked back out at the crowd, at the stage. She took a deep breath, her eyes resting on Galen.
“There are a few more things we need to discuss,” she whispered. “A few more things you need to know.”
[Present]
Selene took a deep breath as she opened her eyes and the vigil from five years ago fell away. Alexander sat in the chair beside her. He was hunched over with his elbows against his knees, holding him up as his head hung down.
She could feel some of what he was feeling through the connection they shared. His sadness, guilt, and frustration.
She didn’t know what he must be thinking. For five years, she had searched for him, missed him. She had blamed him and held tightly to the anger she felt to keep from feeling the heartbreak of losing him.
But for him, it had been only days. Now, she had shown him his own funeral. He had witnessed the people he loved mourning him through her eyes.
Selene felt a knot in her stomach. She had wanted to make him witness because she had to. To make him feel all that loss because she had to.
She sighed to herself.
After all these years, was she still so childish?
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Alexander sniffled and sat up. He turned to her with furrowed brows and red-rimmed eyes. The trail of tears he had shed shone on his face.
“What for?” he asked.
Selene looked away toward the fire.
“I shouldn’t have made you experience that moment,” she said softly. “It was selfish and cruel.”
She licked her lips and took a deep breath.
“I have held onto this anger for so long, even now when I have you back, and I feel so happy and grateful, I just…” she paused, swallowing the lump in her throat as she felt the warm tickle in her nose that signaled the gathering of tears that would soon blur her vision.
She took a breath, letting it out slowly.
“Selene…” he whispered, reaching out and taking her hand. “Look at me, please.”
Selene hesitated but turned to look at Alexander. He smiled warmly and looked into her eyes with affection and love.
“I cannot begin to imagine how you have felt all these years, how much pain you have endured,” he said. “But if that anger is what kept me in your heart, what kept you from giving up on me, on us… I will take it all and more.”
Selene sniffled, and her jaw quivered as she listened to his words.
“If it helps to ease any part of your pain, I will relive that moment for you a thousand times,” he continued. “Show me anything, everything.”
Alexander reached out, wiping her tears with his thumb, and then held her cheek in his palm.
“Let me experience your pain, your misery, your joy. Every part of you, Selene, is what I want… then, now, and always.”
Selene let out a sob. Alexander got out of his chair and moved to the floor before her. He planned to kneel before and praise her, comforting her until he could draw a smile from her lips. But, as he moved to his knees, Selene threw herself into his arms.
Alexander held her close as her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms held tightly to his neck. Selene’s tears fell uncontrolled.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to live in that horrible moment… I want to be here with you… in this moment when you have finally come back to me.”
Alexander stroked her back gently.
“I’m here,” he whispered. “I promise you, I am here.”
Seeing his vigil had been grueling. Watching as each person stepped forward to make their offering. Knowing the memories they shared and watching the pain in their eyes as they said goodbye.
Selene’s anger and resentment were understandable. He knew that it was a mask for the pain she felt. In her heart, she wailed louder and harder than any other. But she couldn’t accept that pain, so she used it to fuel the anger, and the anger fueled her drive to find him.
It hurt to see her like that, but he had her in his arms. He could comfort her. He could talk to her and reassure her that he was truly back.
But the look that his mother wore, that Galen wore. Those had cut deep into his heart.
He needed to return home. He needed to see them, to tell them how sorry he was for the pain he had caused them.
Selene could feel his guilt settling over him again. Though, rationally, she understood where it came from and why, the part of her that was shaken by the memory of the vigil felt as though he were slipping away into the cold darkness of the past. The sadness and guilt crept in between them, threatening to pull them apart again.
She felt a panic building in her heart, a need for warmth, reassurance, and their connection to be strengthened.
Alexander continued to stroke her back and whisper in her ear, but it wasn’t enough. She needed more of him to calm her worried heart.
Selene loosened her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. Her hands rested on his shoulders, and her knees dropped to the floor on either side of his legs.
New Book: Veiled Desires of the Alpha King Novel
Dayson was the alpha of the largest pack in North America. Powerful figures from other packs sought to offer gorgeous girls as potential mates for Dayson. He steadfastly rejected these advances, he was not a pawn to be manipulated. But eventually there came a mysterious girl he could hardly say No. Who was she?