Filed To Story: Traded To The Lycan King Novel (Colette & Merikh) by MG Wattsons
I move in front of him, his hand injured hand shaking on his knee and his good hand moving just as much. He looks down at the ground, his shoulders heaving up and down. Then slowly, he lifts his chin and I nearly break down.
“Merikh,” he croaks out, his mouth opening as he sputters out a heavy exhale and his chest stutters in breath. It reminds me of when he was little and we would spar. On the rare occasion I would hurt him, he would just look up at me, begging for comfort.
“Shit,” My eyes water but I hold it back, squatting down before him, unsure of how to comfort someone you can’t hug or touch because of an injury. With Colette, a simple touch can ease her mental load and her pain. But that’s the beauty of the mate bond. The very bond he is mourning.
“Please,” he sobs. “Please, just kill me. I don’t want to be here. I don’t deserve to be here.”
“What are you talking about?” I say, trying to keep my anger at bay.
He is hurting, breaking apart, and while I can put Colette back together again, Hayes needs to put himself together. I will hold his pieces as long as he needs, but this is his journey. The best I can do is make it a smoother ride.
“Every time I close my eyes I see it,” he says, his voice a raspy mess.
“I know,” I murmur, trying to be as encouraging as possible. His eyes go black and he snarls at me.
“You don’t know!” He screams. “If you knew, you wouldn’t want me as your beta anymore.”
“Then don’t tell me,” I say simply. “You are and will always be my beta for a long time.”
“Unless I die.” He mutters, looking past me and out the window.
“You aren’t going to die. I was already told you are on the mend.” I tell him.
“That doesn’t mean I can’t die.” He says, his eyes finding mine as he blinks slowly.
He looks void. The only emotion left is that of a man who has no will to live, and I realize what he is saying. My brow pop up in surprise. This is not like Hayes at all, the bubbly, happy brother who is always a great confidant and friend. This is the broken Hayes, the hollow one with no desire to exist, and it hurts my very being.
“Beta, you are not allowed to take any actions that may cause your death. If you are in a fight, you must put in all your effort. That is an order,” I boom out, my nostrils flaring in frustration.
He jumps up with a roaring scream, shoving me into the window behind me, the glass panes rattling with the force.
“I watched!” He hisses, his face mere inches from mine. “They made me watch while I struggled. I was inferior, I AM inferior, incapable.”
“Brother, I am sorry.” I say softly and he snorts a condescending laugh, shoving me again. “Being forced to watch something doesn’t make you inferior.”
“They impaled her on the tree, and when she refused to scream as they tortured her for fucking fun, they did this.” He points to his face. “Because they wanted me to remember.”
“Then get revenge, don’t let them win,” I urge him and he pushes off of me, wincing as he turns away.
“They already won. That’s what I am fucking telling you.” He mutters.
*Colette*
I yank the covers over my head, my knees pulling up as I struggle to keep myself from breaking into tears. Merikh has been the only thing keeping them at bay. He is my strength even when he doesn’t try. His very presence brings me a calm, but since he has left me I feel like I have nothing else to think about but what I am missing.
Well, more like who I am missing, both of them.
I didn’t have them for long, yet it felt like forever as the memories I once lost or repressed come flooding back with every passing second I live in a world without them.
Merikh’s distress breaks through our mate bond, his emotions overwhelming as his worry for Hayes melds with my own. I toss my blanket off, jumping up and grabbing a robe before I fly out of the room.
My knees give out as I stumble into the wall, an arm grabbing my elbow as I am pulled up. I meet a frowning freckled face when I look up and Percy releases me.
“Where are you heading to, Luna?” He asks. “You should be resting.”
“Merikh needs me,” I tell him and though he looks unpleased, he silently leads the way, looking over his shoulder to indicate that I should follow him. “I take it he heard Beta Hayes’ nightmare and went to check on him?” He asks.
“We both did,” I admit, tugging my robe tighter as I recall the way his voice broke through even my most exhausted state of sleep. “Have you seen him?”
“Beta Hayes?” he asks, slowing down so I can walk next to him. My legs feel wobbly with every step. What I need is sleep and a day in the healing waters again. And Merikh.
“Yeah,” I say, recalling just how terrible Hayes looked when we checked on him before going to our room. Guilt prickles at my neck. I should want Merikh to be at his brother’s side, but the selfish, hurting part of me wants him with me at all times.
Percy exhales, his hand sliding through his red hair as he nods and he makes a worried face.
“His loss is different from ours.” He says softly. “He has not only lost his mate, but a part of himself. Those scars will not heal. They will be a constant reminder of how he feels he failed her.”
“I know,” I admit. “But I have never seen someone alive looking so close to death.”
“Losing a mate is incredibly hard to recover from.” Percy says, “Or so I am told. All I know is Alpha Merikh is the only person to know both yours and Hayes’ pain.”
It’s like he can see through me. Like Percy knows exactly what thoughts rival in my head as I look at the ground and struggle with my emotions. “Hayes will need him more,” I whisper, my voice betraying me as it cracks. I clear my throat and roll my shoulders back.
“We can’t know that, not until we see how you both are doing in a few days’ time.” He offers me a reassuring smile.
“NO!” Hayes’ voice roars through the hallway, startling me as I jump. Percy takes a small step in front of me as if waiting for an attack, but nothing happens. Hushed angry voices seem to come from the same room as I press my hand to Percy’s forearm, stepping past him and moving to the open door.
“I can do that all I fucking want,” Merikh says in a pained tone. His voice is full of sadness. “You aren’t in your right mind.”
As I enter the doorway, I witness Hayes, throwing his hands in anger before he turns to the wall and throws his head back in a wrenching scream that pains even my throat.
He hammers at the wall, his bandaged hand and other fist breaking holes into the smooth surface, dust dispersing with every strike. He howls out in pain as he drops to his knees, sobbing loudly.
“I hate you,” Hayes cries out, pressing his forehead to the fractured wall. “I fucking hate you.”
His words silence everything, only this heavy breathing and softer growing sobs able to be heard as Merikh stands behind him, arms at his side lost for words.
“I don’t want you to hurt yourself, or worse, kill yourself.” Merikh says, his words sounding distant as if they aren’t really for Hayes but for himself. A reminder of why he is putting his brother through whatever he is going through.
“I am already dead.” Hayes whispers as he calms down. “How many times must I tell you? I want to be dead. I deserve to be dead.”
My hands slide up the wide collar of the robe and I squeeze both sides together tightly. Merikh walks around to the side of the bed nearest Hayes, and he slumps onto the edge, his shoulders dropping in defeat.
I can feel his internal struggle the way he wrestles with doing what he thinks is best and what his brother wants. Merikh has lost a brother, even though he sits here before us, the Hayes we know is gone.
“Hayes,” I say, stepping forward, hoping to distract him from his own anger and self hatred. He turns to glance at me, his right eyes red and puffy as he blinks, his other eye bandage over, but I can see the streak where the tears run under it.
“You think bringing your mate here to console me over my dead mate will help?” Hayes says in a dead tone. He glides a glance to his brother. “Would you let me have her for a night if you thought it would help? You don’t want me to die, so léther help me feel alive? ts that what you are doing?”
Merikh shoots up in an instant.
“Enough!” He roars, the room radiating with his anger and his alpha aura. “You are in pain and mourning, so I will let such a heinous accusation go, Hayes, but if you say something like that again, I will-“
“You will what?” he asks with a ghost of a smile on his lopsided mouth. His tongue flicks out, wetting his lip, a small wince in his eye before he grins maliciously. “You’ll kill me? In that case, come hop on Colette, take this beta for a test ride-“
Merikh reaches down and grabs Hayes by the throat, his hand sliding over the sensitive blister skin. Hayes grunts in pain, but he seems to thrive on it. Then Merikh tosses him on the bed, stepping in front of me.
“You are not the only person who lost someone,” I rush out, grabbing Merikh’s hand, holding him back.
“Oh yeah? You seem happy enough.” He hisses, as he rights himself on the bed, groaning in pain, his body shaking from the weight of it.
“Some of us deal with grief a little more gracefully.” I tell him with a frown. He glances away, embarrassed, or so I hope. “My parents are gone.”
“I watched Leandra get tortured to death,” he growls, shooting me a scowl.
“And I failed to do what I needed to do to save us all, so my parents stepped in to do it and they died in my place.” I retort.
He pauses, his agony filled eyes meeting mine as he slowly nods, a tear racing down his smooth cheek. He lets it fall before he looks away and then back up at me.